Day by Day

It's been a month since my most recent surgery. I keep waiting to feel better, but so far, nothing permanent. I have moments when I feel better but more often than not, I still hurt.
I'm in a binder still, to allow my stomach muscles which have been roto-rootered to heal. I still tire quite easily, which I think is the most frustrating for both myself and my family.
I look better, so I should feel better, right?
The doctor told me I need to be patient. Um excuse me, I lack that skill big time...
I need to heal on my body's timetable, not mine. However I do have a life too. The two are currently not co-existing. I am not supposed to lift anything heavier than a 1/2 gallon of milk. I am hampered at my life. Im not supposed to carry groceries or a laundry basket. I'm not allowed to vacuum (apparently vacuuming is a great ab workout, who knew?)so all that falls to my husband.
I've never been the greatest homemaker, but this not being able to anything is frustrating beyond belief. In fact, I almost miss it. Almost.
I tire easily still, so that's frustrating too . I feel compelled to take a nap when I get home, rather than anything else. I'm just drained. Add to it trying to do all the homemaking stuff that I used to do (being hampered by my limitations) and I'm set up to be cranky.
By the end of the night, I'm so physically tired, I'm ready to just collapse. Seriously. Im tired of being tired all the time...
I know that this is temporary, and that eventually I will be feeling better, but in this moment, I feel like crud still. I want my strength and endurance back, but it's nowhere to be found it seems.
Instead of baking and planning the final run up to Christmas, I am wanting to be snoozing in the recliner. I have only managed to bake 2 dozen cookies this year, which quite honestly is nothing. That's like a normal weekend. I just am not into it, because I'm so tired.
It's a physical tired where you feel like you are walking through quicksand. Every step is a struggle.
I think because this surgery wasn't as invasive as last years, I just assumed I'd bounce back quicker. Last year, I was off work for 6 weeks, followed by another 2-3 weeks of limited movement. This time, I was back to work in 2 weeks, but a month out and I'm still feeling like I'm in "healing" mode.
Add to it, mentally I'm just not there either. I'm struggling with getting in the holiday spirit as much as I would like. Looking at my checklist of things not done:
Cards not sent
Baking not done
Christmas dinner not planned
Heck, I haven't even put together my outfits for the week.
My husband has been doing the laundry for the past month, and I have been trying to keep up with putting it away.
Lunches not packed
My normal daily cleaning not done for the past month.
No yoga.
No running.
No working out.
I'm ready to just be healed.
But I need to take it day by day.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpVZ3-zQWdg&feature=youtube_gdata_player