In my belief system, love is never supposed to hurt physically or psychically. Yes in the heat of the moment we all say things we might regret, but when it happens over and over, that's abusive.
My RA freshman year in college had an abusive boyfriend. During the winterim term, she did something he didn't approve of and set fire to her dorm room.
That was an extreme case, but unfortunately not the only one.
Over the years, you would hear whispers of abusive relationships but it's not something people in polite company talk about. For one thing, people don't want to interfere with people's marriages or relationships. Secondly, unless you see it happening in public, it's hidden behind closed doors. Third, people are afraid that the abuser might turn on them.
In 1996, I started volunteering with Womanspace (www.Womanspace.org), which serves Mercer County, NJ. My involvement came about from me wanting to make the world a better place.
Mercer County is a unique area, as it features some of the richest communities in the country (Princeton and Hopewell); rural farmland and a crumbling, decaying city in Trenton. The dichotomy is unreal, but domestic violence crosses all socioeconomic lines. Race, age, creed all are negligible because anyone can be abused. I've seen women with PhD's in the shelter along with high school dropouts.
One unique program that Womanspace offers is the domestic violence response team. They are the front line and partner with law enforcement to help survivors. It actually is NJ state law that survivors have access to advocates. The advocates help guide the survivors through the "system" starting from the initial contact at the police station, when that initial report is taken.
Womanspace offers a 24 hour, bilingual hotline for those dealing with domestic violence. There is an emergency shelter, with volunteer advocates that assist residents in meeting their housing and personal goals as well as emergent needs. To help keep their children safe, there are teachers on site to homeschool those in the shelter. Also, there is a chaplain that serves the shelter, to provide additional support.
Survivors can stay at the emergency shelter for a month. After that they are eligible for transitional housing. The whole program helps women to work towards total independence. For many women, they lack the job skills and financial resources to leave their abusers. The services offered by Womanspace makes it possible for them to leave and transition out of the relationship.
The other concern for many in a domestic violence situation is the journey through the legal system. Womanspace offers assistance in obtaining a restraining order (an important first step in leaving the relationship). They also have a legal clinic with lawyer volunteers who assist with court cases. There are municipal court advocates to help with the criminal cases in both Trenton and Hamilton, with hopes to expand that program county wide.
Womanspace is a unique organization, and is able to offer the variety of services due to generous donors and a small army of volunteers. While services may not be the same in your community, the needs are the same.
Shelters need basic supplies: clothing, hygiene supplies (including diapers and sanitary napkins); soap, flip flops, Children's items, blankets, towels and washcloths. Many shelters offer a program to recycle old cell phones for survivors when they transition out of the shelter. Most shelters appreciate gift cards to help survivors purchase items for herself and her family. Almost all shelters are independent, non profits that rely on donations and volunteers to continue operations. Consider making a donation-monetarily of time wise. Raise awareness in your community. Request that the PTA or your Woman's group have a speaker come and talk about domestic violence and what to do if you or a friend needs help. Have a clothing or supply drive in your church or school. If your school or church has a gift card program, encourage folks to buy an extra one to donate.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, get out. Know that there is help out there. There is a national hotline number that will help guide you to resources available in your community: 1-800-799-SAFE or visit http://www.thehotline.org/.
No comments:
Post a Comment