I Can't Help It

I'm struggling right now with getting things back on track. I've had a few struggles over the course of the past year with a healthy lifestyle.
When the going gets tough, I eat and not exercise. I punish myself.
So instead of being my best, and reaching my health goals, I'm starting over.
Again.
I tend to stuff my feelings with food, which makes my life that much harder. All of the stress of the past year-from needing another surgery to the complete disaster that was possibly adding to our family-caused me to follow that downward spiral.
Some people drink.
Others use drugs.
I eat.
And it's not salads that I crave either.
Fast food. Sweets. Junk.
I don't work out either, because I don't have the energy to (because I'm fueling my body with crap). It has a trickle down effect because the not eating & not exercising leads to not sleeping and the unholy trifecta of unhealthy living.
So here I am, again. On my third morning of getting back into healthy living. I packed a good lunch: salad, black bean salsa wrap topped with avocado and a salad. I have egg whites and avocado for breakfast. I am trying to drink water and not soda. I'm slowly easing back into working out.
What I'm frustrated about the most is the fact that I'm here.
Again.
It seems I've spent a good chunk of my life on this roller coaster, lose weight, gain weight and repeat. I've tried to lose weight for special events, to make others happy, and for a variety of other reasons. I dont always buy 100% into it, and believe me it's hard to make a total lifestyle change.
This time I'm doing it for me, and doing all that I can to make it stick. I can't help it if I want to be my healthiest.

Egg white avocado scramble
2 egg whites
1/4 avocado diced
Sprinkle of shredded cheese
Veggies
Dollop of salsa

Mix everything together & scramble over low heat till cooked