Time (is on my side)

Several years ago, my son told me he wished I wasn’t so busy. I cancelled things off my calendar and made my family my first priority. In a perfect world, we would all live happily ever after, but this is reality. Over time, my calendar has filled back up with lots of events. My to do list is full of things that I should do. Both are obligations-the shoulds in my life. I should bake cupcakes for the bake sale, I should join a life group, I should work out…

 

I decided to stop the madness. My shoulds were coming from my perception of the external world. Would anyone remember five years from now if I made cupcakes for a bake sale?

The problem is, I am a people pleaser. Part of my self worth comes from doing things for others. There is a fair amount of goodness in that-we should all help others out, it makes the world a better place-but you also have to look at the reasons behind it too. Feeling needed to me equaled feeling good, which I’ve since learned aren’t quite the same thing.

I made a list of all my obligations, from cleaning the house to grocery shopping to PTO and church. I calculated how much time I spent doing those things, and assigned a value to each of how much it jazzed me. I also added whether or not it was a necessary task

For example:

Grocery shopping         2 hours                                     not very much               yes

Life group                     3 hours (meeting time                somewhat                     no

 

                                    Driving, reading)

Yoga                            1 hour                                      love it                           yes

 

By the time I was done, I was seeing how much time I was spending on things, and where they fell in the grand scheme of things. It became very easy to let go of things that weren’t fulfilling and weren’t necessary. It also made me realize that even though certain necessary household chores were hated, the amount of time I spent wasn’t much-which shifted perspective. It also made it easier to say yes to other things, and to explore other areas that mattered more to me. For example, I belong to an intenders group where we gather weekly and help each other with goal setting and living with intention. I get more of a benefit out of this than I did with my life group, and it takes up less time too. It’s a win-win for me.

 

When I stopped trying to impress others, it also helped me to say no to obligations. I don’t have to be part of this because what you think of me is a reflection of you-not me. My to do list looks radically different now. Instead of a bunch of stuff I dreaded, its now beginning to fill up with things I can’t wait to accomplish. If I am asked to add on an obligation, I run it past a quick scan

 

How will this help me live my best life?

Is it for the benefit of others?
How much of a commitment will there be?

What kind of responsibilities will there be?

 

If I can’t answer question one, then it’s a no. Not a “no, but”. It’s a no, full stop. I have 24 hours in each day, and my goal is to use them to live my best life. Things don’t resonate with me and help me toward that goal are not necessary. I’ve learned, the hard way, that being busy for the sake of being busy doesn’t serve a purpose for anyone. By clearing my calendar and learning the power of no, I am a better wife, mother and all around human being.