Patience

Out of all the yamas, I struggle with kshama the most. It is translated from the Sanskrit as meaningpatience, releasing time, functioning in the now. For a type A, compulsive planner like me, this seems like the most  impossible of tasks. I don’t have time to be patient.

 

Until I had a few health crisis. Then all bets were off, and I had to recalibrate my life. I stopped the glorification of busy. I began to focus on the here and now, and being more mindful. I also stopped over scheduling my child. He needed time to be a kid, to explore the world and most importantly, to play.

 

It isn’t always easy, it didn’t happen overnight and in fact, it’s still a work in progress.

 

I do plan out my days, weeks and months, but leave a lot of wiggle room. I try to not have more than one activity on the weekends, unless it’s something fun like gardening or hiking or a picnic. I have stepped away from many of the organizations I was heavily involved with, because it was taking up too much of my time. It was hard (and scary!) at first, since much of my identity was tied to what I was working on. I spent quite a bit of time zoning out on the couch, surfing the web and what not, but then as time went on, it was less and less. I was reconnecting to my life.

 

I spent time in prayer and meditation, and found that still small voice speaking to me. Sometimes it sounded like my son, other times it was a cool breeze in the woods. It could even sound like the trade winds in Hawaii. The most important thing was that I listened. Intently. Much of the stress in my home disappeared. The household ran more smoothly and inefficiently. There was calmness and peace.