My Chains are Gone (Amazing Grace)

I did not grow up "churched". My family had a cursory affiliation with religion. My great grandparents were a mix of Lutheran & Catholic, and not active in either. It was a trickle down effect to me; the less they needed Him, the more I did. My journey of faith has been a crooked path. There were moments, similar to where

“I talk to God but the sky is empty.”
― Sylvia Plath

The older I get, the more I realize I wasn't being ignored. Rather, I was ignoring the still small voice. I was trying to do it on my own. Don't worry God, I've got this. I was more concerned about me, me, ME and not listening to anyone else.

Church has always been about belonging. I have longed to belong. I have longed to be a part of something. I did and volunteered because I needed to be wanted. After a while, it is almost expected that Dee will do it...and it was a given. I would grow resentful, and pull back. Its not that I didn't want God, I just wanted Him and not the other stuff that goes along with being part of Him. I would run again, away quickly from His people.

I tell myself over and over that I won't fall prey to that doing trap.

I am not always successful.

As time has gone on, I have begun to look for God outside of the church. I have seen Him in the birds soaring overhead. I have heard him in the crickets at dusk. I have felt Him with my hands in the dirt. I have tasted Him in fresh fruit and clean water. I have smelled Him after a spring rain. I have found Him where I least expected it, and it caused my heart to sing. I didn't need the four walls and nave and all the pomp and circumstance to find God.

I felt my chains being broken away, link by link.