Here I Go Impossible Again

Whenever there is a big swing in the weather, it seems as if my little aspie has issues. We started the week in the 50's and ended with snow and below zero temps. On the behavioral front, we have seen things plummet as well.
I wish that with a diagnosis you are given flash cards as a quick reference to your child. This way you can study them and then adjust your life accordingly.
Little Man's current struggle is with listening. Really struggling. Just practicing 15 spelling words took 40 minutes, and sucked the life out of me. I had originally planned to attend a cupcake girls night out last night (and a future blog post) but the spelling fiasco ended that-I knew I was needed at home.
It's like you can take a weather map and you can pretty much predict my sons behavior as a result. It doesn't matter if It's a switch from rain to bright sunshine, it's going to affect him.
I really ought to count myself as lucky because not every family touched by autism has great moments (and we have a lot of those). There isn't any drama with those, so it isn't compelling. We have lots more of the wonderful moments, where my son does the impossible:
He has conversations with us.
He participates in regular activities and programs.
He has hopes and dreams that he can articulate.
He tells us he loves us-and knows what it means.
I hold onto those wonderful qualities because that is what sustains me when the mood shifts darker and the behaviors increase. it gets mr through the times I don't think can do this anymore. There are times when I grasping the cliffside with my fingernails and I need those moments of grace and beauty to sustain me.
The happiness and joy make it all worthwhile.
There are a lot of days I'm in that pit, and it's pretty dark and lonely there. I don't always understand him andwhat'sbotheringhim.Ican'tkissandhhle hurt away. as a mom you want to make it all better but there are times that it's not going to happen. It rips my heart out of my chest, like in Indiana Jones.
It's in those moments of deep, dark despair that we have those flashes of wonderment and awe. Just when I really am not sure if I could take one more minute of "I dont know", I get my answer, when my son hugs me or he realizes that I don't understand and he comforts me.
It's in that space of grace that I receive enough strength to go on and face the impossible again.