Monday, September 01, 2014


The big man & I have been together for what seems like forever & a day. In reality, it's 21 years, and some days that can be forever. There have been ups and downs and even flatlines at points. I've seen a lot of marriages begin-and end-during those years. There are everyday stresses, and autism can devastate a previously strong relationship.

I have learned a few things in my life about relationships. 

The biggest one is to communicate. Talk, and not just about taking out the garbage, the kids and fluffy stuff. Really talk. Remember when you were dating and you hung on each other's every word? That shouldn't change because you said I do. Take 15 minutes to talk every day. 
Pray together. Pray for each other.

Praise each other. Acknowledge the little things. The dating divas have a great suggestion on their website ( a couple gratitude journal. Write in there daily (optimal). Do things to fill their love tank. Learn to speak their love language. 

Spend time together. Cuddle. Hold hands. Date one another. 

Friday, August 29, 2014

Queen of hearts

When I was 11 years old, Princess Diana participated in the wedding of the century. She was young, beautiful and went from being an ordinary no body to being a Princess with a capital P. She was just perfect for an impressionable young girl to idolize. I loved her sense of style, and her way of looking perfect (not knowing the retinue of stylists and dressers that allowed for the prestige to be revealed) all the time. Her obvious love of her children was to admired, as was her finding herself in charity work. It broke my heart that her marriage ended on such an unhappy note, and that she was able to reinvent herself as time went by. She had an uncanny knack for looking a certain way or turning up for an event at the right time, and getting the headline. It was a devil’s dance with the paparazzi; in the end it lead to her demise.
It was her devotion to helping others that truly inspired me. The fact that she was able to transcend her royal position and get publicity for certain causes, most notably AIDS and land mines, was pure genius. I would like to think she genuinely cared about those causes and was involved for purely philanthropic reasons; not doing it for the column inches.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Kiss Me

The Big Man doesn't like red lipstick.

True confession time-I love it. The redder, the better.

It's all my grandmother's fault. Red lipstick was her trademark. Her thing. And she rocked it. Even lying in a nursing home, after a stroke ravaged her. Even while in hospice, she fixed her hair and wore red lipstick.
To me, that was being a lady.
When I need a pick me up or need to feel fierce, out comes the red lipstick. 

Pucker up. 

Monday, August 25, 2014

She's a Beauty

As a woman almost in my mid 40's, my definition of beauty has changed over the years. I used to think that just supermodels could be beautiful. Or those that could be supermodels. I could never live up to those lofty standards.
Motherhood changed me. 

It was as if my eyes were opened for the first time. 
Beauty doesn't just rest with the so called pretty people.

There is beauty in a bride on her wedding day, kissing her groom.

There is beauty in a mother holding her baby for the first time.

There is beauty in generations, sharing genetics, family history and love.

There is beauty in milestones being met, toddlers wobbling, tying shoes, riding a bike, and the joy parents feel.

There is beauty in late nights, sunrises, sunsets and the minutes in between.

There is beauty in a really good meal or a really good cup of coffee.
It's not the beauty that most people think of.

Conventional beauty doesn't matter. I don't need so called experts to give me a narrow definition of what they think. I used to read the beauty (and other women's) magazines. I bought the products. I succumbed to the marketing. I still didn't fit the definition. 

I have curves where "they" said I shouldn't. 

I really don't need make up on a daily basis.

I like wearing clothes that jazz me, not what some fashion buyers are convincing others to wear.

I wish I had this confidence 30 years ago, because it would have saved me heartache and pain.

I'm teaching my son that beauty surrounds us. I'm teaching him that a woman's appearance isn't the sum of who she is. I'm teaching him that what other people think is beautiful should be seen through his own filter.

And the most beautiful thing in the world is love.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Angel on my Shoulder

  Archangel Uriel, God’s light, is an archangel that I am just starting to work with. Over the years, I really should have called on him to help me find insight, clarity and peace with life situations. He is the angel that can help release emotional and thought patterns that keep us stuck. It is really hard to let go of certain behaviors and ways of thinking because it’s a comfort level (no matter how destructive or dangerous they can be). For me, anger is usually my first response to a challenging or difficult situation. Its not so much that I am angry per se, in reality there is a lot of fear. I need to work on controlling the anger and fear and instead let peace and clarity into my life.

I am teaching my son to call on Uriel during those moments of autistic meltdown. I encourage him to surround what is the cause of the meltdown in a red bubble and trap it there. Visualization is a very strong tool to have in your toolbox, and can help manage most situations and emotional responses. Another situation that I am teaching the little man to call on Uriel for is during a test. I am helping him visualize the answers being surrounded by a red bubble and be able to see the correct choice.


 releasing meditation 

Saturday, August 23, 2014


I really stink at self care. I admit it. I tend to put myself last.
Lately, my self care has involved eating gelato and spending too much time on Facebook. It's not good for anyone, especially me.

In the past, I had a much better grasp on self care. As in, I did it. Really since I became a mom, it's gone out the window. I work full time, am involved in the community and struggle with balancing it all with family and faith. I no longer keep a sabbath. It's quite evident in the fact that little to nothing gets done.

I am burned out. 

I belong to a book group, and we've been talking about putting ourselves first. I'm glad I'm not alone in the struggle, but it's heartbreaking to know that there are a lot of women struggling.For me, the first step is thinking about what would be painless first steps to taking care of me. The things that don't cost a lot or cause me to never be home.

Thanks to Pinterest, I found this great graphic. It's a great mindset. It's a heart shift. 
For me, I started with a list of things that I wanted to do that help me take care of the me in mommy. Some of the things I love include:
*working out
*eating a delicious meal
*dirty diet cokes 
* limoncello gelato
*funny movies
*soaking my feet
*prayer/meditation time
*giving myself a mani/pedi
* massages
My heart is pretty dark and grim right now, because of my lack of self care. It's truly a vicious cycle. Since I'm not taking care of myself, everything from the condition of house, finances and health are all taking a toll. It's no longer an option, it's a necessity. I know it in both my heart and head. It's implementing it.
Thanks to Pinterest, I found another great graphic. It's a variation of Tsh Oxenrider's daily docket (, which has been a staple in my life for the last few years. I love the reminders for gratitude, inspiration and hope. 
For the next week, I'm going to do one thing (at least) every day that helps me take care of me. I'm going to do it, despite me feeling awkward doing them around my husband. It's a weird hang up of mine. I don't like cleaning in front of him either. Or changing. Or exercising. But those are my issues that I need to work on. I need to put my oxygen mask on, because I'm no good to anyone else. My spiritual life is in crisis too, which is no surprise. I haven't written in my prayer journal and I've gone through the motions.
Today, I start over. 
I'm putting down anxiety, depression and stress. I'm picking up exercise, eating healthy and rest. I'm working my way back out of darkness into the light. One day at a time, one thing at a time, one verse at a time.
Today, I shine my sink. It's the first step on my journey.
I will make fresh juice, which is an awesome start to my day.
I will spend time in nature this week.
I will spend time creating.
I will soak my feet.
Most of, I will keep a Sabbath. We all need a day of rest.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Walk on the Wild Side

Sometimes I need to hit the reset button. The stress overwhelms me, I'm snapping at everyone and I'm just not happy.

Ever since I lived in Salt Lake City as a teen, I have loved spending time in nature. Hiking in the mountains, writing bad poetry in memory grove, skiing down a powdery slope all recharged my soul. 

I was so excited to take my family there a few summers ago. I really wanted to share my favorite places. 
I have so many great memories of going to antelope island and the canyons around Salt Lake City.
Hiking is a passion of mine.
I'm sharing that with my son, too.
Luckily for us, we have some great areas in South Dakota to go to, and I don't have to go to Utah (although I would in a heartbeat)
The black hills have some great opportunities
As do the badlands. I'm very blessed to live in an area where there are a lot of outdoor opportunities.
I love newton hills state park. My son goes there frequently with his Boy Scout troop. It's about a half an hour from our house, but a world away. Even on a cloudy day, it's gorgeous, lush and green.
My favorite place is even closer to home. We love to go to Good Earth state park, which is about 15 minutes away. There's something about hiking, being in nature, that restores my soul every time.