Lux Aeterna

As I get older I develop more insight into my life and what makes me tick. I know that I am dealing with a disordered life on many levels-the same as many women. We try to do it all, and when we falter, we beat ourselves up.
My biggest (no pun intended) is disordered eating. Emotions take over and i use food as a coping mechanism. It's not an eating disorder-it's disordered eating. I struggle between my head and my stomach on a daily basis.
For other women, there is disordered spending. Others deal with disordered home keeping. Even others find something that knocks them off balance and causes disorder in their lives. Whatever the root cause, the disorder exists and touches other parts of their lives.
I don't have a simple solution.
I wish I did.
On a lot of levels, it reminds me of the book (and later movie), Requiem for a Dream. Most notably, the character Sara, whose desire was to fit back into a dress that reminded her of a happy time in her life. Her decision to use amphetamines to make it happen, is an extreme example of disordered living. While most of us don't go to the same lengths Sara did, we who have disordered lives, understand her desperation.
I know I do.
I get it.
In my past, I've tried all sorts of shortcuts to keep the weight off. A friend of mine buries herself deeper in debt because she is shopping her way to happiness. Another I know is a hoarder because they can't make decisions on what is truly important the bottom line is there is a deep hole in our souls that we are trying to fill with whatever our particular disordered life style.
The bottom line is there aren't any shortcuts. A magic pill won't make you lose weight & keep it off. That killer pair of shoes won't make you happy everlasting. That book or website won't keep your house clean by itself. You have to put the work in too.