Only Mama Knows

My son has blonde hair, brown eyes and autism. He sees and experiences the world differently than you or I do. He sometimes has odd behaviors that soothe him, and may make you feel uncomfortable. His syntax is sometimes a little strange, other times he struggles for words.
He has difficulties with auditory processing. It's a big fancy term for the fact that if you give him a series of things to do, he doesn't understand. When he's given instructions, they need to be broken down into smaller. Chunks. I can't give him a honey do list and expect it to be done. It needs to be step 1, then step 2 and so on. It's a struggle in school, and even at home.
Due to autism, he sometimes has an agenda radically different from other people. When he starts doing something, he needs to complete it. It. For example, he loves building with Legos. If he's building something, he can't just stop until it's done. This is sometimes at odds with the rest of the family or in the classroom.
His behavior can be puzzling too. He reacts to his environment. When he's overly stimulated, he may run around. He may hide. Sometimes he screams. It's unpredictable, which is not what teachers or coaches want to hear. He doesn't have behaviors to be naughty. When he says he doesn't know why he reacts a certain way, he truly doesn't.
Anxiety is a way of life.
If I could, I'd be there every step of the way, guarding him and protecting him. In reality, I can't. I have to let him out into a world that he doesn't always quite understand. I have to trust that. Those around him support him and have his best interests in mind. I have to trust that my son will try to confirm to society's norms as best as he can., even if he doesn't understand why.
I've made a concerted effort for him to experience as normal a childhood as possible. He has played soccer, basketball and baseball. He starts on a bowling team this morning. He takes art and piano lessons. We do outdoor education programs. But that's all window dressing. I can provide a superficial normal life, but the bottom line is he will never experience life like his peers.
He doesn't see or react to the world as they do. His birth parents, those that were charged with providing unconditional love and support, rejected him because he has autism. As a result, i surround him with more love. It stabs me through the heart when I see him ignored by his peers. I turn into mama bear when I hear about bullying at recess. I ache when he struggles because I can't make it all better.
My son has blond hair, brown eyes and autism.