It seems that the last year or so has brought us unimaginable tragedies. From storms and natural disasters to the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary and the Boston Marathon bombing, heartbreak abounds. Several families I know are facing seemingly insurmountable medical issues for their children, from cancer to seizure disorders to autoimmune diseases. It just seems as if there is a black cloud hanging over us all.
Trying to explain tragedy to a ten year old is hard. How do you put a pretty spin on some very dark, dark things?
I don’t have all the answers, but this is what works for our family.
I give love first. I am grateful for the amazing little man who loves his mom and dad, and is growing up into an amazing young man (sometimes way too fast). Its from love that we can be on the same level and share that love with others hurting (even if its in a cosmic way). I also pray before we have that conversation. I meditate on one passage usually (and I’ve spent a lot of time on this passage lately)
We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:3-5
I remind my son of the Mr. Rogers quote-always look for the helpers. In the midst of destruction, devastation and sadness, there are always those there to help. We point them out on the TV or online, because good always vanquishes evil. There are always more good people willing to help. Its reassuring to both of us that there are people running towards the disaster, and make it better. It’s the same principle why we bring cookies to the fire house and police station on Thanksgiving and Christmas-these are people who are there helping when it all goes wrong. After the Newton shooting, my son wrote a thank you note to his principal, because Little Man knows his principal would protect the students just as it happened in Sandy Hook.
We talk about what happened. I let him tell me how it makes him feel. Last December, there was a tragic house fire that killed three children, and it profoundly affected my son. He had a lot of questions, why did the parents get out and not the kids? Do we have working smoke detectors? What would happen if there was a fire in our house? We went around the house looking at the fire detectors and had a great conversation on a family fire escape plan.
When a teen and another man drowned rescuing the girl’s brother from the Falls, my son talked about playing on the rocks at Falls Park. It bothered him because he’s played in that section many, many times. I reminded him that he never went that close to the water, and that if he did, I would go in after him. When events happen close to home, it affects him more because its more real. He can see the locations where they happened, and may even know someone who was involved in the rescue or recovery.
There are always tough questions. Why did God let this happen? Where was God in this? I admit that we don’t always know why bad things happen. I remind him that God has a plan for our lives, and sometimes that plan may not make sense. But like Paul wrote to the Romans (8:31)What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? It may not make sense, but we have to trust in the Lord. We brainstorm ideas to make the world a better place as a family.
Love always wins in the end.
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