Someone Like You

Brahmacharya being constantly aware of the universe, immersed in divinity, divine conduct, continence, celibate when single, faithfulness when married.

Have you ever thought about how life would be if you wound up with your first love (or some other lost love)? Or daydreamed about some movie star/musician/athlete? Are you in a relationship? Then you are not being faithful.

This has been the source of debate in my home lately. To be honest, I don’t want to reconnect with any past relationships. They are in the past for a reason. When those relationships ended, I wished them well and went on with my life. I’m not being mean or anything, it’s just how I feel. They are in the past, and I can’t go back and recreate that ever again. For whatever reason, it didn’t work out, and its life. We are not all meant to be together forever. I am grateful for those relationships, because they contributed to who I am today. In other words, I am no longer the same person I was when I dated that person. I will never be again. You know what-I have no desire to be that person either.

If it wasn’t for that relationship ending in the past, I wouldn’t have gotten married. I wouldn’t have my beautiful home. My dog wouldn’t be mine, nor would my cat. Most importantly, I wouldn’t be a mom to my son. Things happen for a reason, and while there was some initial sadness when relationships ended, in the end, I am grateful. I love the life I am living and wouldn’t trade it for the world. Facebook and social media makes it really easy to go back to the past, for those glory days. It’s a slippery slope. I think those who chose to reconnect with past relationships when they are married are treading into dangerous waters. What good can it bring to your current relationship? How will it enhance your current situation? Will it make your relationship stronger or will it undermine it?

I don’t care how secure you are in your relationship, when your significant other reconnects with a former flame, there are a lot of anxieties and issues that bubble up. It might start out as innocent, but if one party feels threatened or if it feels disrespectful, it needs to stop. It’s a form of unfaithfulness. It will never increase intimacy-in fact it does the opposite. It is even more challenging if this ex has cast a long dark shadow over your relationship. {note: this is true in cases where mutual children are not involved. In those situations, the more friendly the parents are, the easier it is to co-parent} Once that door has been opened, it can never be completely shut and there will be doubts continually cast. Trust is eroded.

You might be thinking-all this from friending someone on Facebook?

Yes. If you had an intimate relationship with someone, it ended and you’ve married another, you have no business being friends with your ex. You have no need to go back to that, unless you are not happy in your current situation-then you need to end your current relationship. Its cheating, albeit on an emotional level. If you can’t be present fully, you shouldn’t be in that relationship. Period.