Crying

One of the worst parts of yoga and meditation practice is the dredging up of suppressed emotions. The deeper I get into my practice, the more these emotions bubble to the surface. Its hard, because I suppressed them for a reason you know.

One of the emotions that has come bubbling up is this profound sadness. I am finding myself out of a clear blue sky, sobbing for no reason. Well, actually, there are reasons. There is a lot of mourning I never did when it was the season to mourn. As a result, I locked up that sadness and it stayed with me for a very long time. I am sad that things didn’t always go according to plan. I am sad that I never allowed myself the proper time to mourn my losses, no matter how insignificant they may have seemed to someone else. They mattered to me.

The other emotion that I can’t seem to get a handle on is anger. I have realized that I am a very angry person, even though I never intended to be. It rears its head when I least expect it, against those I least expect to. I was talking with a friend  who is one of the most Zen people I know, about this the other day and she told me, you have every right to be angry. Its ok to be.

What a lot of wisdom in that sentence. I do have every right to be angry. I am entitled to my anger, but I have to own it. I think it’s the fact that while I am angry, I am also incredibly frustrated.

Most of my frustration comes from the fact that in my head, I lead the perfect life. I eat healthy, I exercise daily, my house is spotless, my child is perfect and I look great. In reality if I get one out of the list, I’m doing great. I invest too much time in coveting others. Sometimes it can be inspiring