“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
James 1:2-4 NIV
I've been living this verse for the last year or so. It's been tough and lonely in that pit. My knuckles are raw and bloody from trying to climb out on my own. I've seen my intentions of being a great wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend/human slip through my fingers like grains of sand at the beach. Pit dwelling isn't easy, but after a while you get used to it.
I started to get comfortable and that's exactly when all Hell started breaking loose, quite literally. You know that saying the devil looks for a foothold? Well he found one in my pit dwelling life. The door cracked open and I welcomed him in.
I began to shift my priorities, and started to become someone I really wasn't. I began to say yes to things that I should have said no to. My energy levels plummeted. I wasn't my usual self. I found myself increasingly sarcastic and sometimes even rude. I wasn't me anymore.
My priorities have always been faith, family & fun. They are all interelated in my mind & soul too. I neglected the first two, to focus on the third. It shows in everything too. I'm not who I am, I'm trying to be who others want me to be. When the devil (and sometimes he shows up in very unexpected human form) whispers in your ear lies over and over, sometimes you start to believe them.
It was a season of weakness, as I was pit dwelling. I was seeing how little housework I could get away with because, oh my heck feminism. It should be equal, and by golly I'll show him. I work all day too so why should I have to do it all, blah blah blah. That started a domino effect cascading through my life.
As much as I would love to be that kind of gal, it's not written on my soul. My true priorities are being a wife and mom-all that goes along with it. I've looked at the crazy making schedule I've tried to live with, and that's just not working. I'm not living my best yes.
I'm focusing on three organizations that I am jazzed about to share my time and talent with. I'm making time for the workouts I love, and will get me to the gym consistently. I'm working with a spiritual advisor to work through some faith based issues.
Knowing what I need to do is one thing, it's now repairing some of the damage done. In some cases, it may be beyond repair, and that is something I have to live with. I can't wave a magic wand and think it's all going to be better now. Time heals all wounds. It's now my season to be patient.
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”
James 1:12 NIV
No comments:
Post a Comment