Rebel Rebel

I have always had a rebellious streak, I will be the first to admit it. That and wanting to help all the stray puppies of the world, which is a very dangerous combination. I know when I was younger, there was a shock element to it all, especially spending my teenage years in Utah. That should explain a lot to everyone-I lived in Salt Lake City and had a schizophrenic affection for that adopted state. I definately did not fit in at first-I was a chubby, loud, brash Jersey Girl who was not Mormon and whose family decided early on that they really hated them. Did I mention that I was in junior high too? Awkward...
I did make some friends eventually. I went through a punk phase. I learned that a coffee cup and a ciggerette could really shock people.
The experience did give me a chance to develop some domestic skills. I went to Young Women's and Mutual with my friends. I learned how to sew, cook, run a household. I got pretty good at playing basketball and volleyball. I realized that I really wanted to be a domestic diva when I grew up.
Fast forward to now...I am all grown up but I am not quite at diva status. I'm lucky I can get anything done around the house consistently. I think I have all these ideals in my head of what I should be like, and then I get almost paralyzed with fear that I can't live up to my own expectations. Add to it the fact that I have the uncanny knack for attracting people who deliver the backhanded compliment in the most sublime ways. Gee, I wonder why I am such a basket case? Its taken me a long time to get rid of a lot of the negative energy in my life, and while I'm not quite there, I'm getting there.
In church yesterday, one of my favorite set of verses was the Old Testament reading.


Isaiah 42:1-9
42:1 Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen, in whom my soul delights; I have put my spirit upon him; he will bring forth justice to the nations.

42:2 He will not cry or lift up his voice, or make it heard in the street;

42:3 a bruised reed he will not break, and a dimly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice.

42:4 He will not grow faint or be crushed until he has established justice in the earth; and the coastlands wait for his teaching.

42:5 Thus says God, the LORD, who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and what comes from it, who gives breath to the people upon it and spirit to those who walk in it:

42:6 I am the LORD, I have called you in righteousness, I have taken you by the hand and kept you; I have given you as a covenant to the people, a light to the nations,

42:7 to open the eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness.

42:8 I am the LORD, that is my name; my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to idols.

42:9 See, the former things have come to pass, and new things I now declare; before they spring forth, I tell you of them.

When I am feeling really down or totally miserable, this is one of the passages that can pick me up immediately. God really does love me! What an awesome concept. No matter what, this is an unconditional love. I really get it now that I am a mom. No matter what my son does, I will love him. I have a sense of awe and wonder with everything he does. I love how he has grown and evolved and continues to do so. Things that seemed insurmountable 6 months ago have become a distant memory. I love just being with him.
We're now at the point where he's very independent at 7, and he wants to do things on his own. Yet, he still has moments where he wants to be a little kid at the same time. Its such an awesome age, and point in his life, and I am loving every moment of it.
I do have to let go of some preconceived notions and let him be who God intends him to be. Its hard, because I want him to experience so much of life. I signed him up for choir at church mainly because I thought it would be great experience and training, and he's a good singer. The hard part is getting him out of the house to go to choir practice. Or to the Young Natural programs at the outdoor campus. He really enjoys them, once he gets there. Its getting him there that is the issue, and I feel like bad mommy when I am trying to force him out of the house. I don't want to be that type of mom who either forces their kids to do things that they hate or is so overbearing that when said child grows up they limit contact. I want to find that happy medium. I think I'm getting the balance down and all, and my little man is a very happy kid overall. I am truly blessed!