Love & Compassion

My inner mean girl, Jennifer Amy Michelle Brooke, loves to compare me to others and remind me who I am not like. It goes way back to my childhood, when I was already showing signs of being quirky, and being told why cant I be like so and so? I guess my exasperated family was tired of me being a creative, Zelda Fitzgerald type and longed for a “normal” child who lived up to their ideals.

That’s what it comparison is-pitting yourself against someone else’s ideal. Unless you live with someone, you don’t know their whole story (and even then you might not). It is also degrading yourself, because your inner voice is telling you that you as you are, isn’t quite up to snuff. For a variety of reasons, Jennifer Amy Michelle Brooke took hold of comparing me to others and having my self esteem be valued based on those comparisons. It can get pretty ugly too.

 

It all plays into the feelings that you aren’t good enough, which in turn affects all else. I start that downward spiral of negative self talk, and then wind up eating my way into a food coma, which in turn starts of another spiral. It’s a lose-lose proposition. When I think about so and so having it all together/having the perfect body/smartest kids/fill in the blank, I am comparing my behind the scenes to their highlight reel. I do not know their whole story, only the bits and pieces of what is visible-much like an iceberg.

 

I won’t name names, but for the longest time I compared myself to someone I’m very close to. In all fairness, we live very different lives, and I had no business in the first place comparing myself to her, but I did anyway. It wasn’t until I started projecting this onto others that I realized what I was doing. I was doing ok on my own, the way I do things and I didn’t need to be like her to be right or valued.

 

There are some cold, hard truths about comparing yourself to others.

1. It rarely leaves you feeling good about yourself. There is enough negativity in the world, why would you add more to your life by comparing yourself to someone else.
2. when you try to be someone else, you are being a cheap copy of them. be a valued original of you. I used to work in New York City, and in those days, there would be lots of street vendors selling knock offs of designer goods. I can’t tell you how many $10 Rolex watches I’ve had over the years, but they weren’t the same thing and didn’t last long. The very expensive Coach bag that I bought back in the day has lasted over 20 years, with near constant use. That’s the difference in being the real deal.
3. remember you are only seeing one aspect of them. I remember knowing a couple who were always so romantic affectionate towards each other, and thinking that everyone should be so lucky. It was only years later that I found out they were both cheating on each other with multiple partners, and their public persona was just an act. Behind the scenes vs. highlight reel.
4. when you start comparing yourself to others, stop and breathe. Remind yourself of what kind of rock star you are. Cultivate compassion towards yourself.

 

While its easy to look at someone else, and wish you could be like them-you never can be. You are who you are, as a divinely manifested creature. You serve a purpose in this world, and by comparing yourself to someone else, you are diminishing your own power. Let your light shine.