Lose My Soul

When I was 17, I was unhappy with my body. I didn’t appreciate the great gift I had been given. I had two feet that allowed me to walk the road less taken, with miles to go and to walk away from people, places and things that no longer served me or Him. I had two legs that helped form a strong foundation, like mountain pose or tree. I had a soft, rounded belly; lungs that allowed me to sing and shout. My arms were strong, yet I could hold and comfort with them. My neck allowed my head to hold my crown steady (because there isn’t any doubt that I am truly a princess).
As time marches on, I have become more appreciative of the gifts that I was given. I now understand Paul when he wrote to the Corinthians:

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom
you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

For a very long time, I have not honored God with my body. I have not fed it with adequate nutrition. I have not rested it enough. I have not let it move as it was intended to. In short, I disobeyed. Not to be obstinate or difficult, but because I wasn’t whole.

One constant that has been a part of my life was yoga. I started practicing when I was 17, in a sweaty gym, with fellow seekers. There wasn’t any division of Hatha, Vinyasa, Ashtanga, Bikram or Baptiste-it was just yoga. But it wasn’t just yoga. It changed my life for the better. There was a small seed planted in those early days, a seed that has blossomed in the past few years as I have deepened my practice. I realized that I was not alone in feeling a disconnection between mind-body-spirit, regardless of size. It was a journey to wholeness and completion.

I am still on that journey. Along the way, I have had amazing experiences and met amazing people. There is something about our shared existence on the planet-how we are so different, yet inside the same. We have 206 bones, two lungs, a heart, a brain and other organs, tissue, muscle and sinew tying all together. Our exteriors may be different, but we all share those very basic characteristics and common DNA. We are all descended from an Eve, whether she was tempted by a snake or lived by ancient lakeshore in modern day Tanzania. What we don’t all share is appreciating both your body and the gifts we have been given.

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. 5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.

1 Corinthians 12:4-6

God has given me the task of using my gifts. According to the Ministry Matters Spiritual Gifts Inventory, my top 3 are Mercy, Hospitality and Teaching.

Mercy is defined as the God-given ability to see and feel the suffering of others and to minister to them with love and understanding. More simply, this gift is "compassion in action." People with this gift are called to reach out to someone who is hurt or rejected, easing their suffering. They feel fulfilled when they can show others that God loves them. They are skilled at gaining the trust of those in need and enjoy finding ways to comfort them.

Hospitality is the divine ability to make others feel welcome and comfortable. People with the gift of hospitality often love to entertain. Sometimes, however, their gift is simply demonstrated by a warm handshake or hug, a bright smile, and a tendency to greet new people and help them get acclimated to a new place or situation. People are drawn to persons with this gift-they often have many acquaintances or friends and help others make connections, too.

Teaching is the divine ability to understand and clearly explain God's truths, and to show how we can apply these in our lives. People with this gift enjoy studying the Bible and inspire listeners to greater obedience to God's Word. They prepare through study and reflection, and pay close attention to detail. In addition to communicating facts, they are careful to show that the Scriptures have practical applications. They can adapt their presentation in order to communicate God's message to a particular audience effectively.

I have shared my gift of teaching and hospitality to welcome students to yoga, many who would never have considered visiting-let alone staying. The yogic concept of namaste is the same as in Matthew 5:16

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

I never intended to teach yoga. It started as a bit of frustration-I wanted my son to take a class, in a studio. Unfortunately, there were none in our area, and I had sent an email to the then-owner of the studio I attended, saying that the worst case scenario I would teach it on Saturdays. At that point, I volunteered to share yoga and body acceptance with others as well, to help heal and make whole in addition. While I enjoyed teaching yoga, it was not my passion and I saw my personal practice dwindling. It was like I was in a yogic desert (much like a spiritual desert), and my wandering stopped when I broke my leg in August.

I am a firm believer that nothing happens without a reason. Call it Karma or God’s will, but things happen to be a blessing or to teach us a lesson. My six month journey of healing was both. Since it was my right leg that I broke, I was unable to drive for 10 weeks. I was reliant on others to bring me to work, home, errands and activities. During those 10 weeks, I realized what was truly important in my life and what was being busy for the sake of being busy. Many committees and meetings were cut out of my schedule. Even after I was able to drive, I still wore a brace and had limited weight bearing, which translated into NO YOGA. Period.

During those six months of rest, on sabbatical if you will, I wandered out of the desert.
I had resumed my personal practice at the beginning of January. It felt different, because I was different. I wasn’t the same person I was six months ago and was no longer able to get into certain asana. I may never be able to again, due to how my leg has chosen to heal. As a result, I no longer feel comfortable leading a class as I am not able to give my normal 110%. I am grateful I was able to plant the seed in my students and my sincere hope is that they continue to nurture and grow it.