Almost Year End

Its almost 2010, a new year, a new decade upcoming. Its exciting-the prospect of a fresh start, what the new year will bring for myself and my family. I don't make resolutions for the New Year because its just silly. I make them at my birthday in May, when I am not being forced by peer pressure or the whim of the moment to do something that I know won't be on the radar by the end of January.
The no resolution rule is fairly new for me. I started that a few years ago, when I realized I was stressing myself out over promises I made to myself that I couldn't keep. The one constant resolution is lose weight. I have seen way too many weight loss adverts lately (tis the season!) and it does bring up some anxiety for me. I've been approximately the same weight for the last 6 or 7 years, give or take 10 pounds. I wear the same size for the most part. I try to eat healthy and exercise, but I am basically stuck at where I am. Sure I could probably work a lot harder than I am and live on a strict diet and work out more than I do. But I can't say no to chocolate, and that's ok. Its not my season right now to be skinny.
I've been very, very thin in my life. It was very difficult for me to maintain that size without starving myself. As the scale crept back up, I was happier. I didn't have to obsess over what I was putting in my mouth. However, I had also discovered that I loved to work out and I loved how I felt. I was a total gym rat, and it was the perfect balance for me-I ate relatively well, exercised daily, and felt confident about my body. I never had a movie star body but I was comfortable with it and I wore some pretty great clothes.
What's different about right now? Not very much. I just don't really work out as much as I could/should. The current excuse is that the Big Man took my treadmill extension cord for the Christmas lights and I can't plug it in. That doesn't mean I can't do something different but I choose not to. I keep saying tomorrow, but that doesn't happen either.
I think it needs to happen in inches...I do walk at least once a day at work. I do my yoga daily dozen every morning. I stretch several times a day. Its a start. I'm not going to run a marathon or anything tomorrow but I am getting there.
The most important thing I need to remember is that I am setting an example for my son. He sees what we eat, how we exercise, what we do. I don't want him to make poor choices because mom & dad do, and I don't want to be a hypocrite. If I am going to eat junk, he's going to want to do the same.
If I don't move my body, then he's going to do the same thing. I don't want him to be a couch potato. I know I am and its frustrating. I justify it by telling myself I work all day and when I get home I'm tired (self perpetuating cycle-don't work out because I am tired, take nap because I am tired, don't work out because I am tired)as well as justifying some other choices I make because I am tired. But am I setting a good example for my son?
I can make lists of what I should/should not eat, what exercises I should do, etc. etc. But they are meaningless if I don't get off my butt and do something. I also subconsciously set up road blocks for myself. To make things easier, I need to make a big salad in the beginning of the week, and just eat that all week. Same thing with mixed fruit, but there is a mental block for me. Its just making one simple change that can make a huge difference for me-and take some stress off me. Make it a no brainer.
I think there are a few mental blocks that I have going on. It all goes back to the whole value/loving myself thing. Feeling that I am worth it. Something as simple as painting my nails can make a world of difference for me. I bring up FlyLady from time to time, and the Big Man picks on me about it, but it really does make a difference. Not so much on the cleaning front, but a lot on the self esteem front. Reminding myself when a task seems daunting, I can do anything for 15 minutes. Sometimes that 15 makes a world of difference.
And it also is a reminder that I am worth making the effort to show up and be present. Its amazing the kind of synchronicity I am finding in my life. Different things blend together to make an awesome picture. It makes me who I am. I love how from one aspect of my life, other things blend into it (like focusing on healthier habits turns into tidying up my home).
I want my little man to internalize this as well-that he can do anything he sets his mind to. He's capable of everything-the possibilities are endless. I don't want him to say I can't because that limits him. At 7, there are no limits. I want him to continue to soar. He has such an amazing imagination and I love how his mind works. He is so creative. He has a great sense of humor and already at 7 knows how to wow a crowd. He has athletic ability.