The End of the Line (happy new years eve!)

Well, its another New Year's Eve and I plan on spending it with the ones that I love most (in case you were wondering-Big Man, Little Man & Puppy Dog). I for one, will be glad to see this year end. Its been a challenging, draining time for me and I am looking forward to a new year, new start. I am always fascinated how the holiday ads morph into lose weight and get your life organized ads. Happy New Year! As I've said before I don't believe in resolutions, because they are forgotten by February-if they last that long. I have the basic framework in place to accomplish what I want to in my life, its a matter of just executing it.
For example, living a healthier life (1 Corinthians 6:19
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own)is a big issue for me. I want to set a positive example for the Little Man. He is learning in school about healthy vs. unhealthy foods and the importance of exercise. Then he comes home to junk food heaven and a couch potato mom...hmmm...do you think he's going to take this stuff seriously? Probably not, so as a responsible mom I need to make positive changes in my life. The sad thing is that I really do enjoy working out and eating healthy. I love fruits and vegetables. I love salad. And I do love my sweets too. The Little Man knows when to stop. I keep on going, and there is a real issue there. There is an emptiness that I try to fill with junk food-and its not anything new. The junk food is the cop out for things. Its easy to have junk food over prepping healthy foods. I have to actually think things out and plan healthier breakfasts and lunches for myself as well as snacks. (1 Corinthians 9:4 (New International Version)
4Don't we have the right to food and drink?) I pack a healthy lunch for the little man every day so I can take the time to do the same for me. Its just taking the time to do so. I need to knock down the wall/barrier that prevents this from happening.
I know that part of it is at the end of the day, when I am packing lunches and tidying up, I am exhausted. I am exhausted from working all day, coming home to the tornado that sweeps us up every night, not eating right and relying on junk to fuel my body and not really exercising. I also am so tightly wound from stress, and never really letting all that go.
Most days I get home from work and have mommy time (code word for me taking a 15 minute nap). What I would rather do take that time, do some yoga stretches and use my shiastsu massagers (back & neck), but I need that nap to get through the rest of the evening. I didn't take one last night and by 8:30 I was dragging. I also need to get back into working out. Period, end of story. I really do enjoy it, but once again there is a barrier stopping me.
There is a lot of fear going on in my life and I had touched on this when I met with my Life Coach a few weeks ago. We were discussing my roadblocks in life, and one of them was this fear that just paralyzes me. I am not sure where it originates from, but its there. Its almost a fear of success. Its like if I am not juggling 20 things in my life I don't feel like I am accomplishing anything. I need to just take a step back and regroup.
That's my goal for the next 4 days-regroup, and rethink the processes that guide my life.
First and foremost-I need to let go of stress. I am so tense from daily living that its affecting a lot of other aspects of my life. I wind up being wound up and I can't really enjoy anything else because of how tense I am. I have pieces of the puzzle but now I need to put them together and make a pretty picture. Theres the meditation piece, which will help clear my mind. The yoga piece that will help clear my body. The massage piece that will help me find bliss and help take away some of the chronic pain and tightness that I feel. I need to stop using caffeine as a crutch to get through my day (there is a limit on how much coffee and soda I should be drinking). I need to fuel myself better and do things that replenish my cup and not drain it. I need to elminate my shouldas couldas wouldas. The negative self talk grinds on me and really wears me down.
Its so hard as a mom to not have this constant self talk going on. I want whats best for not only my son but my husband. I want them to have a clean home, good meals and a happy environment. I chose to be involved as class mom and ptsa. I chose to be involved at church, but there are moments when I want to just pull the covers over my head and hide, because I am burned out. I do it to myself because I have so many plates dancing in the air, and I can't juggle them all.
Its a matter of deciding what's important and then setting priorities. First and foremost, its me, then my family.
Its a self perpetuating cycle. I am stressed and tense, I can't think straight and feel exhausted so I scrimp out on things that will make my life better and easier and take away some of that stress and tension and exhaustion. Its easier said than done to change a lifetime of bad habits.
All of the stress leads me to make bad choices-overspending, overeating, overstressing. It doesn't lead me to lead my best life and it winds up hurting my family. I get this burn out going and then....inaction because I am so tired I can't implement my plans.
So, today I am planning on regrouping. I do have some housework to do-clean up the little man's room, do some laundry, tidy up the kitchen. Take my sister to the airport. Stop at the supermarket & pick up a few things for the weekend. I also want to do a massage just to get rid of the tension and stress in my back. Maybe scrap for a little bit too.
Little Man wants to have a birthday party for Horsey tomorrow. Apparently Horsey wants to have a chocolate cake with raspberry sauce. I think that's a great way to ring in the new year!