The Etsy Challenge

Its not an official challenge per se, but on a lot of crafting bulletin boards and email lists, there has been talk about the Etsy challenge. I think that this is the 2nd or 3rd year its been going on, and my first time officially committing to it. Etsy is like EBay for crafters, and the whole concept is to handcraft everything for the next year. I don't know if I could go that far, but I think we can at least try.
I've been a rabid crafter for years, and there are several layers of angst involving that. I enjoy being creative, and expanding my creative energies. However, I deal with a lot of low self esteem issues regarding the end result. I am always thinking that what I make is probably not liked by the recipient and I am hearing horrible negative self talk going on.
A lot of it has to do with having heard negative talk going on from other people. Yes, the bad stuff sticks with me. At one of my needlepoint guild meetings, a fellow stitcher picked up something I was making and held it up for the group and went on to criticize the BACK of my piece for several minutes. I felt like I could have crawled under a rock and disappeared. It made me not want to stitch for a very long time. However, I got over it and wound up stitching pieces for the ANG auction several years in a row. So THERE. I showed you!
I have learn to not internalize things and let things get to me the way that they do. I know that's all me and my issue, but its like my whole life I've been "sensitive" to people picking on me or not getting recognition for what I've done. I need to hear that little good job from someone, to know that I am appreciated. Big Man says that I am needy, and he is right.
But back to the topic at hand, the Etsy challenge. I have a bunch of birthdays, events, etc. this upcoming year that instead of buying something in the store, I am going to make something. Big Man does not realize this yet, since his is the first birthday and is quite experimental.
The last few years I've been out of sorts, to say the least. I've bought birthday presents for family and never mailed them. Same with wedding gifts, etc. There's some sort of mental block going on. First its getting a box, then the packing tape, then actually going to the post office. You get the idea, there's a lot of issues going on with this.
So, this year I am going to make a positive change with it all. I am up to the Etsy challenge and meeting it headon.
For me its more than just crafting. Its also healing a rift in my personality and letting go of pain and issues I've dealt with for a very long time. I will be 40 in May, and I don't want the next 40 years to be about pain and hurt and all the other issues that torment me. I want to live my best life now (whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31) and in doing that, it will make it better for MY family, my husband, my son and the puppy dog and the kitty cat. The crafting helps me expand creative energy. It allows me a chance to relax too and just BE. I can clear my mind and focus.
And also by going homemade, I am being a good steward. I have the creative ability, why not share it with others and give them something that I obviously labored over and made with them specifically in mind? Its something that allows me to share my talents, treasure and time with people I love and care about.