As part of life coaching, one of my first assignments was to write a list of things that make me happy. On there, I had many of my hobbies listed-everything from crocheting to quilting to needlepoint to scrapbooking and beading. My coach, Lacey, asked me how often do I do these things. I was almost embarrassed to admit I really hadn’t pursued any of my hobbies recently, because I wasn’t very good at any of them.
That’s no excuse, she told me.
Yes, it is. I explained, I wasn’t very successful at any of them, so why should I really do them. We got into a discussion of perfectionism being at the root of me not following my happy list. I enjoyed the process of creating, even if I wasn’t very good at it. In fact, I enjoyed the process so much, I would wind up in that flow zone, where I was so entranced by what I was doing, I had no idea how much time had elapsed or what was going on in the world. It was always a magical moment. After I became a mother, however, I stopped creating as much. I think part of me was afraid that if my son saw how untalented I truly was, he would be embarrassed.
I let my perfectionism take hold of my creativity and joy.
Fast forward several years. In a coaching session, we came back to the notion of doing things I enjoy. I mentioned that I really don’t craft anymore because I wasn’t really into it, and well I’m a mom and really busy and have stuff to do that is worthwhile.
No excuse, she told me, again.
My assignment was to just go make something. It didn’t matter what it was, it was to just go make whatever. I wasn’t to think about it and just do it. After stressing out over what I was going to make, I decided on making a beaded prayer chain, similar in concept to a rosary. I went to Hobby Lobby, picked out beads and set about making it. I found myself in the flow, and really enjoyed it. I made what I think is a lovely piece. I didn’t over think it, and it was fun.
I am now striving to do this at least once a week, where I don’t care about the outcome or the quality. Its strictly for my own edification and enjoyment. Its for me to have some mental downtime, and to put all that excess, creative energy to work.
