The Remedy

I had a conversation the other day with a casual friend, discussing manifesting your dreams. I have been incredibly blessed, and the blessings continue. Yet as a woman, the stress of attempting to balance life can be overwhelming.
We are trying to balance work, family, housework and everything else and it's exhausting on a lot of levels. In many cases, this juggling acts lead to bad choices. We overspend, overeat, overextend ourselves. Many have physical manifestations-bags under our eyes, extra weight around the middle, chronic pain-that signify our lack of balance.
Yes, I said chronic pain. Pain that doesn't have a physical cause. It's there, usually as shoulder and upper back pain or a stiff neck. You feel it and you can't crack it. If you get massages sometimes you can feel the emotions being released and it can be overwhelming. Sometimes in certain yoga asanas I feel the same way. I had an emotional experience in camel a few weeks ago that was overwhelming.
My friend is a holistic healer, and she focuses on blocked chakras as her method of healing.
For example, if you have tight hips and hamstrings, your sacral chakra is blocked. Or if your back hurts, your heart chakra is blocked.
No matter what your belief system is, we as modern women, are stressed to the max and need a Calgon moment now and zen.
The question is...are you willing to look at what's paining you?

all she wants is...

Its been a really rough week in my world. I've been crazy busy, which has led me to not take care of myself. Add to it a healthy dose of mommy guilt, and I've set myself up for failure.
This is a week that I've felt like I could do nothing right by some folks. I know that this isn't entirely true, and that in most cases it is the other person and not me that is dealing with issues. It's very exhausting to plead my case on an ongoing basis.
So it is Friday night. On some calendars it is the Sabbath, and a new week will be dawning.
It can only get better.
Wallowing in my self pity tonight has actually been motivating. It's allowed me perspective. During yoga tonight, I settled into a modified camel pose while I was warming up. It was as I was leaning back, I realized how tight my upper back and chest were. It was difficult to arch my back and settle in, that there is a blockage.
As a result, I struggle with physical flexibility. Settling into camel, I had a plethora of emotions, and I felt myself wanting to cry. It's the same as getting a massage, and a knot gets worked out and there is an emotional release that parallels the physical. I tend to internalize my feelings.
This process then disrupts other aspects of my life. My spiritual life suffers. My meditation practice falters. I lose focus. I'm distracted, best evidenced by burning myself with the flat iron.
And it takes it's toll overall. I throw myself together, and that's about it. If I have a date with destiny, it wouldn't recognize me.
The most maddening thing is I wake up with plenty of time to work out, shower dress & even do my hair/make up plus do daily cleaning yet I'm struggling to get a portion of that done. I'm just not feeling it, it seems. My workouts have been without passion. I feel defeated, and scattered, which is causing me to not get it in gear.
It seems I can't make others happy, and then I realized that it's not my job. It's up to them to make themselves happy. All I can do is just keep on filling my life with joy and happiness. I can not "make" someone else feel joy, the same way I can't make a fish walk. I can inspire people to be joy filled, but that's about it. They need to make themselves happy, just as I can't expect someone to do that for me.
Insights abounding tonight.
Tomorrow is another day, and a fresh, clean start.

Frankly, Mr Shankley

Several months ago, I reached my heaviest ever. It was a very sad, scary moment because I never thought I'd hit rock bottom like that. I had vowed after my surgery in 2010 that I was done being big and cumbersome. While I will never be a petite, delicate flower, I would at least be healthy and strong.
Somewhere along the way, I lost my mojo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEuw2mgLRuQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player
And have yet to fully reclaim it.
The events of the past year have really trampled me both physically and emotionally. Both my head and heart were not in good places, which led my stomach to be in a bad place as well. I am an emotional eater.
There's an ugly cycle that occurs, too. I am stressed. Since I'm stressed, I succumb to cravings for junk and soda. Now that I've eaten junk, why bother working out. Since I'm not working out, why use my food journal or meditate or do positive things?
It just perpetuates the bad choices and turns a bad day into a bad week then month...finally a year.
And voila here I am, come and take me. Better or worse.
Quite frankly, I am on the same hamster wheel I've been on for 20 years.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGGriRgHnvM&feature=youtube_gdata_player
And I'm tired of it.
So it's time to dig deeper.
Deeper.
Deeper.
I'm quite frankly baffled by how I got THAT big that fast, but eating badly + not exercising = unhealthy. It's a pretty rotten equation that is going to be my ultimate undoing, if I don't balance it soon.
Talking to other moms, it's somewhat comforting to know that I'm not alone. Hearing that they don't have the energy or motivation to work out either in the morning or at night lets me know that there is safety in numbers.
However, this doesn't negate the ill effects of unhealthy choices, and it's not about fitting into skinny jeans either. I do know some moms who are on the other side of the fence-where they run marathons, and work out and eat healthy. The ones who look elegant in Pilates class, not the dying seal I resemble.
I had to find out their secrets.
What was the magic potion or pill?
Turns out, it was a lot of discipline and hard work. One mom stated that she uses a food journal daily, and has for years. Another makes time for 3 workout classes a week (yoga, Zumba and spinning). Yet another has made fitness a family thing-they walk every night after dinner, no matter what the weather.
Most of them put health, and themselves first. They drink a lot of water. They make good food choices without making it seem like it's a sacrifice. They get enough sleep. And they make the effort to hit the gym day in and day out, no excuses. One woman walks on her breaks at work. Another works out in the park when her kids are on the playground. Most find opportunities to work out. Most wear a pedometer and get in more than 10,000 steps a day.
They all eat breakfast, and a healthy one. No sugar smacks there! Many don't eat junk food, period. They rarely drink soda. Most eat organic and ethnic. They eat healthy snacks throughout the day, like yogurt or almonds or fruit.
Most have other interests that keep them motivated. They read, craft, and pursue other hobbies. They have a great support network. Many also take the time to take care of themselves, by regular hair cuts, some with regular spa time. One has a weekly chiropractic appointment, which she claims helps her stay sane.
A great article at Elephant Journal traces another woman's journey: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/03/my-food-secrets-to-losing-weight-naturally-from-someone-who-lost-over-60-pounds--katrina-love-senn/
Quite frankly, there are a lot of good habits that can be adopted, mr Shankley.

Danger Zone

I made a commitment to myself last week to live healthfully and do all I could to make better choices etc. I made great choices all weekend, avoided junk.
Then Monday came around and I found myself in a daze eating junk. I didn't even want it but I ate it anyway. It was actually scary because I mindlessly ate stuff I didn't even want.
I drank soda when I really wanted water.
I just idly ate stuff I really didn't want, need or desire because im in the habit of eating that.
I realized it after the damage was done yesterday. It made me wonder why I made those choices instead of doing something healthier.
I really need to work on conscious eating and be present.

The principles of mindful eating are simple: pay attention. The following is from www.amihungry.com

Start by recognizing whether you're hungry before you begin eating. If you aren't hungry, you won't be as interested so it will be harder to stay focused. Besides, if a craving doesn't come from hunger, eating will never satisfy it.
Don't wait until you're famished. One of the keys to conscious eating is to keep your body adequately fed to avoid becoming overly hungry which increases the chance that you'll overeat.
Next, decide how full you want to be when you're finished eating. When you eat with the intention of feeling better when you're done eating, you're less likely to keep eating until the food is gone.
Choose food that will satisfy both your body and your mind. Our society is so obsessed with eating right that we sometimes eat things we don't even like. However, satisfaction comes not just from fullness but from enjoying the taste of your food--without guilt. Feeling guilty about eating certain foods actually causes more overeating, not less.
Set the table in a pleasant manner. Creating a pleasant ambience adds to the enjoyment of eating and to your level of satisfaction. Besides, you deserve it.
Eat without distractions. If you eat while you're distracted by watching television, driving, or talking on the telephone, you won't be giving your food or your body's signals your full attention. As a result, you may feel full but not satisfied.
Eat when you're sitting down. Choose one or two particular areas at home and at work that are only used for eating and eat only there. For example, do not eat while standing over the sink, peering into the refrigerator or sitting in bed.
Appreciate the occasion. Appreciate the atmosphere, the company, or simply the fact that you're giving yourself the opportunity to sit down and enjoy your meal.
Take a few breaths and center yourself before you begin eating. This will help you slow down and give eating your full attention.
Appreciate the aroma and the appearance of your food. Notice the colors, textures, and smells of the food and imagine what it will taste like.
Decide which food looks the most appetizing and start eating that food first. If you save the best until last, you may want to eat it even if you are full.
Savor the aromas and tastes of your food as you eat it. Put your fork down between bites and be conscious of all the different sensations you are experiencing.
If you notice that you're not enjoying what you chose, choose something else if possible. Eating food you don't enjoy will leave you feeling dissatisfied.
Pause in the middle of eating for at least two full minutes. Estimate how much more food it will take to fill you to comfortable satiety.
Push your plate forward or get up from the table as soon as you feel satisfied. The desire to keep eating will pass quickly. Keep in mind that you'll eat again when you're hungry.
Notice how you feel when you're finished eating. If you overate, don't punish yourself. Instead, be aware of the physical and/or emotional discomfort that often accompanies being overly full and create a plan to decrease the likelihood that you'll overeat next time.
Once you've experienced the increased pleasure from mindful eating, you may be motivated to become more mindful during other activities too. Living "in the moment" and becoming more aware can increase your enjoyment and effectiveness in everything you do.

Unpretty

I go through the ebb and flow of feeling pretty and not so pretty in the course of my existence. There isn’t any one particular thing that makes me feel prettier than others. I know I have some outfits that I feel like a rock star in, and then there are others that I feel like crawling under a rock and hiding.


For most of my life, I relied on others to provide me feedback on whether or not I was pretty. I let them guide me in how I felt about myself. I wish I could say I came about the realization that was pretty dumb years ago, but I actually came to it Christmas Eve. My son and I were cuddled up together, and we were talking about the excitement of the next day. We had put out reindeer food, so they wouldn’t be hungry on the long journey and he wrote a letter, apologizing to Santa for the really pathetic pancake like cookies (bad baking soda). He was leaning up next to me on the couch and we were just snuggling before bed, and he looked up at me and said I was pretty.

Bam!

That’s all the confirmation I needed. See, my son is autistic, and one of the beauties/curses of autism is the inability to lie. If he isn’t feeling it, he isn’t feeling it. So, when he said I was pretty, he meant it.

While it was someone else telling me that I was pretty, it was also like my conscious speaking to me. A conscious that I have been working hard to develop and expand upon, that I have struggled with accepting the limitations of, and learning to be. One of the wonderful side effects of this is being more in touch with my body and mind than I have in years. My post operative pain was intense, but I think it was because I could actually FEEL it for the first time in a long time. I can feel the stiffness in my back when I wake up in the morning equally as I feel it dissipate as the morning wears on. I am getting in touch with my hunger and thirst symptoms and learning to tell the difference therein.

I started meditating years ago, and it is as time has gone on my practice has waxed and waned.

It seems as my practice follows where I am in terms of body acceptance and peace. The more accepting I am of myself, the more I seem to meditate. In those dark corners of vacillating between starving myself and bingeing to “control” the weight, I am also not freeing my mind. My meditation practice is closely intertwined with my spiritual discipline; in fact, they are one and the same. It does matter if I am chanting “om shanti, shanti om” or “veni, creator spiritus” or saying the rosary (and yes, Episcopalians do pray it)its communication with a higher power and being vulnerable.

The union of self acceptance and spiritual practice really isn’t all that surprising. As you become more enlightened, some of the little things pass by the wayside. You don’t sweat the small stuff as much. There is that sense of Zen. I am not kidding when you feel like you are one with the universe.

My intention is to start off the new year with the intention of spending a few moments each day in silent meditation. To just be with the universe, and just be. Veni, creator spiritus, veni.