all she wants is...

Its been a really rough week in my world. I've been crazy busy, which has led me to not take care of myself. Add to it a healthy dose of mommy guilt, and I've set myself up for failure.
This is a week that I've felt like I could do nothing right by some folks. I know that this isn't entirely true, and that in most cases it is the other person and not me that is dealing with issues. It's very exhausting to plead my case on an ongoing basis.
So it is Friday night. On some calendars it is the Sabbath, and a new week will be dawning.
It can only get better.
Wallowing in my self pity tonight has actually been motivating. It's allowed me perspective. During yoga tonight, I settled into a modified camel pose while I was warming up. It was as I was leaning back, I realized how tight my upper back and chest were. It was difficult to arch my back and settle in, that there is a blockage.
As a result, I struggle with physical flexibility. Settling into camel, I had a plethora of emotions, and I felt myself wanting to cry. It's the same as getting a massage, and a knot gets worked out and there is an emotional release that parallels the physical. I tend to internalize my feelings.
This process then disrupts other aspects of my life. My spiritual life suffers. My meditation practice falters. I lose focus. I'm distracted, best evidenced by burning myself with the flat iron.
And it takes it's toll overall. I throw myself together, and that's about it. If I have a date with destiny, it wouldn't recognize me.
The most maddening thing is I wake up with plenty of time to work out, shower dress & even do my hair/make up plus do daily cleaning yet I'm struggling to get a portion of that done. I'm just not feeling it, it seems. My workouts have been without passion. I feel defeated, and scattered, which is causing me to not get it in gear.
It seems I can't make others happy, and then I realized that it's not my job. It's up to them to make themselves happy. All I can do is just keep on filling my life with joy and happiness. I can not "make" someone else feel joy, the same way I can't make a fish walk. I can inspire people to be joy filled, but that's about it. They need to make themselves happy, just as I can't expect someone to do that for me.
Insights abounding tonight.
Tomorrow is another day, and a fresh, clean start.