A psalm. A song. For the dedication of the temple.[b] Of David.
1 I will exalt you, Lord,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
3 You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
4 Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
6 When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”
7 Lord, when you favored me,
you made my royal mountain[c] stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.
8 To you, Lord, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
9 “What is gained if I am silenced,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
10 Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me;
Lord, be my help.”
11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
Lord my God, I will praise you forever
In the last two or so weeks, my whole life has turned itself upside down. Its been a struggle to get motivated to do anything due to the stress I have been feeling. I have been surrounded by negative people, who like the Greek choruses, are whispering in my ear all the things I do wrong and nothing about what I do right. I was shocked at the fact I am currently weighing the most ever, despite attempts to work out and eat healthy. My son has pink eye. My mother fell, wound up hospitalized and is now doing inpatient rehab to rebuild her strength. My house and family are obviously being neglected, not by choice, but happenstance. Something HAD to give.
Despite all the ugliness I have been facing, I have tried to look at the positives. If anything all the stress and suffering I have been enduring has made me put things in perspective. What are my priorities? What brings me joy? I have discovered who my friends are, and some of them were not who I would have thought were. Friends brought me coffee when I was at my mother’s bedside, because I complained about the lack of the good stuff on her floor. Another friend brought me breakfast. Meals were given. Child care offered. Others just listened as I poured my heart out. Many, many prayers raised up.
My faith was shaken to its very core, and I had to do a lot of soul searching. It caused me to make a prayer smash book, which is a form of journaling. I felt abandoned. I was in that figurative pit. I was living Psalm 30, whether I wanted to or not. The question was-do I let my circumstances make me bitter or better? I know that these situations are temporary. I know that my God is greater than all of this. My pit is temporary. If God brought me to it, He will certainly bring me through it. Like the psalmist, I was weeping in the night. Overwhelmed, broken, in need of healing desperately mind, body, and soul I cried out. I walked around in my sackcloth, flogging myself. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
Despite my current situation, I know that there are greater things to come. Realizing that I needed to make changes in my life, these mini-crises have allowed me to reflect on what I want and what I am willing to do to get it. My walk with God has taken on a new perspective. I am reading Scripture with different eyes. I am looking for the good in everything, like the yin and yang. No matter how difficult things are, there is something positive in it. It has caused me re-examine my eating and exercise habits. I am changing things up both in the gym and the kitchen. I am slowly deleting people from my life who bring me down. Negativity does nothing to build you up, it only destroys you. There’s a meme with a cat strutting, inscribed “haters are going to hate”. I can’t change peoples’ opinions of me. I am confident in who I am, so I can’t let their poor attitudes affect mine. I want to be clothed in joy, have beauty traded for ashes.
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