Dear Oprah

Dear Oprah,

I'm so glad you found weight watchers. I know it's worked for a lot of people. Some I know have faithfully followed it for decades. 

I am not one of those people.

I am, however, one of those overweight women you are speaking of in your commercial. In your ad, you claim to speak for me, that "inside every overweight woman is a woman she knows she can be". It's a little presumptuous that you're speaking for me, but you're peddling a product, so I'll let that go. 

I know exactly who I am, and none of that revolves around my weight. I'm not making excuses-I know exactly how I gained the weight. I know that for years instead of speaking my mind, I stuffed my feelings. Instead of hungering for other things, I ate. I ate out of boredom, pain and most of all, loneliness. I ate to alleviate the hurt and disappointment and stress. 

My weight problem isn't solved by counting points, calories or brightly colored containers. It's a heart and soul problem. It's an issue with me finding my voice and speaking my mind and soul. It's an issue of me realizing the same old thing isn't working anymore. It's me making changes to my life, not my plate. 

My weight problem won't be resolved by 30 minutes of movement daily. It will be resolved by journaling my feelings, by going deep into the Word, by finding my tribe and hitting the floor on my knees. It will be resolved by letting go of people, places and things that no longer serve me. It will be resolved by me taking time for me, each and every day. 

My weight problem really isn't a weight problem. It's a sign that my coping mechanisms aren't working and I need to change things.  I'm not sure what it's going to be, but I'll find something better to help me achieve my healthy living goals. 

See Oprah, I don't really care what the scale says. All that shows is my relationship with gravity. I care about my blood pressure, my cholesterol and my blood sugar. I care about staying hydrated-not because it takes away hunger or whatever the meme says-but because I feel better when I'm hydrated. I like eating fruits and vegetables, not because I have a daily goal, but because I like them and I'm trying to model good behavior for my son. 

Like you Oprah, I've done most of the diet programs out there. I've lost and gained the same 75 lbs over and over again. None of them work for me, because they don't address my real issue. 

This year, I'm choosing to make hospitality my one little word of the year. Part of that is being hospitable to myself. That includes loving myself enough to walk away and speak up when I need to. As I fill that empty space in my soul, I won't need food to. It's simple as that.

I wish you well on your journey. 

Lose Yourself

I will be the first to admit that I don’t usually listen to rap. In fact, I find Eminem’s music misogynistic and inciting violence against women. However, while I was driving to work this morning and trying to find something to listen to on the radio, the song came on. And I listened to the lyrics for the first time. It fits in perfectly with my whole follow your bliss thing.



Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment

Would you capture it or just let it slip?



I think I would seize the moment, the day and do everything I could to make my dreams come true. Oh wait, I already did that.

I am the mother to an amazing kiddo. He fills my heart and soul with delight, even when he’s naughty.

I live in my dream house.

I have a job I love, and another job that was the ministry I was born to do.

I had a book published

I am adding on my own business into the mix for 2012.

I will be teaching cooking classes at both the Museum of Visual Materials and the Community School.

I have basically achieved all the goals I have set for myself for my 40’s, and I am only 41.



The only one that is left is to look my best. For years, I have dieted and exercised my way thin and then regained all that I had lost so many times over. I thought that it meant that I had to be thin and sexy and all that. I thought it meant that I had to be model thin, to dress a certain way and look a certain way.

Then I had a photo shoot. If you don’t think an afternoon can change your life, it can.

The last time I felt so beautiful was on my wedding day, and it was more the glow of love than anything else. I wasn’t a size 2 (more like add a zero to it) but I wore the most gorgeous gown and veil, and loved my bouquet. It was the happiest day of my life before I became a mom (now that’s number one).

For my photo shoot for SHE magazine, the photographer, Erin told me I was really naturally beautiful. That made me more excited that than fact I was named woman of the year.



You better lose yourself in the music, the moment,

You own it, you better never let it go,

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow,

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo!





Despite all the accolades and wonderful things happening in my world, for a very long time, I have given a lot mental space to those who really don’t matter in my life. These are the folks that like to limit me and tell me who I am not and what I am not. I have let people who really don’t matter to me in my daily life have control over me. I can’t make you like me, or adore me or be my biggest fan. I can’t convince you that I am a great mom or cook or whatever. I have wasted so much time and energy in trying to make people happy that I forgot about making myself happy. It’s the fact that I have eaten to stuff the feelings of not being “good enough” because I wasn’t pretty in some people’s eyes, or this or that. I ate because I was mad at giving my power away and the only way I could process that anger was by stuffing it. I stuffed my anger by stuffing myself. I stuff myself because I wasn’t who I thought I should be rather than celebrating who I am.



So here I go it's my shot,

Feet fail me not cause maybe the only opportunity that I got!



Who I am got me woman of the year, not by trying to be someone else. Who I am has garnered me professional success. Who I am has given me the gift of wonderful friends who love and support me. Who I am has allowed me to share my talents with the world. Who I am is a wonderful, smart, gifted, funny woman. I may not be thin, or beautiful in a conventional, model sense, but I am beautiful on the inside, and that counts for more than anything else.



You can do anything you set your mind to, man

New Years Resolution

I don't do resolutions. Generally speaking, resolutions don't work. It's setting yourself up for failure, quite honestly. I am all about intentions though.
At the start of yoga practice, you are supposed to set an intention for your practice. It could be something as extreme as world peace or as quiet as inner peace. There is a website where you can upload your intentions: http://www.intent.com and sometimes when I'm stuck, it can be motivating.
Way back when I would come up with these sweeping, life changing ideas and by February I would be back on the couch with my two best friends, Ben & Jerry. Just by tweaking it, intention vs. Resolution, I'm much more successful.
For 2012, I intend to do lots of things. I intend for my business to take off. I intend to write another book. I intend to practice 365 days of yoga. I intend on following my bliss, wherever that takes me. I intend to make healthy eating and increased movement a priority. I intend to demolish the walls I've built around me and let my spirit soar. I intend to listen to that still small voice more often. Most of all, I intend to say no more often: if it doesnt fit into my life plan, then it's a no. If you do not support my life plan, then you are a no. If you are a food that isn't good for me, then you are a no.
Setting an intention rather than a resolution can transform your way of thinking about goals for the new year.
I even like to make my intentions as part of New Year's decorating by writing them on the centerpiece. In fact the whole family does, by making tissue paper flowers.

To do it, you need
Tissue paper (I get mine at the $ store or you can recycle from Christmas)
Pipe cleaners
Scissors
Markers

You can either cut the tissue paper in circles or squares. You need 8-10 per flower.
Write intention on tissue paper squares.
Stack
Accordion pleat your stack.
In the middle of your stack, attach a pipe cleaner.
Fluff out your flower by opening the pleats.
Display in a vase

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUWF6fAAtWI&feature=youtube_gdata_player