Emotional Rescue

I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. I was a chubby kid, who became a fat teen, and have fluctuated throughout my adulthood. I have been very, very thin and am currently now at my heaviest ever. I have been stuck in the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and its not a good place to be. I know that I am an emotional eater. I have known this for years, yet I seem powerless to change it. I drown my sorrows in Ben & Jerry’s. When I am happy, I love high carb foods like pasta. When I am stressed, I crave salt and sugar (usually at the same time!). Due to this, I was excited to be part of the launch for Dr. Melissa McCreery's new book, The Emotional Eating Rescue Plan for Smart, Busy Women.

 

The book is designed as a month of a rescue and recovery plan, so I worked through it over this past month.

 

Like an onion, there are so many layers to why I emotionally eat. She focuses on different types of hunger-and how to feed them. The book starts off discussing curiosity. I wasn’t sure where this was leading, but I was CURIOUS. She tied in something that I am currently working on-mindfulness. I tend to go through life on autopilot, living life with the attitude if its Monday, its meatloaf and book group. Many of her mindful tips are the same that I have as my list-yoga, dancing, holding a purring cat (although doing windows are not on my list). I already journal, and that has been a habit for about 35 years, so daily writing was already a part of my routine. The hardest part for me was the ME Log. I struggle with food journals. Its caused me to give up on weight watchers and other programs because I just can’t do them. This one is a bit different, because it also includes what you’re doing as you eat and how you feel both before and after you ate. On top of it, there is a space for your hunger level and (this is key) what you are actually hungry for. That was really eye opening for me. Most of the time I did mindless eating, I wasn’t physically hungry, but there was an underlying need that wasn’t being met. After that first week, there were a lot of tears and anger, because I was bringing up a lot of unmet needs to the surface. I think I spent a lot of time in the fetal position because there were many unpleasant emotions. I should add that I am a stuffer. I have a hard time expressing what I really, really want (I would never make a good Spice Girl).

 

Week two didn’t start off any easier. It was time to analyze my log from the previous week. This is eye opening, because I was able to pick out a few patterns. I tended to snack heavily at certain times a day. I used to smoke years ago, and these were the times that I would go and have a cigarette. The automatic response and craving was still there, despite so much time having passed, and that craving turned into food. Thinking about how hungry I truly was also quite revealing. Most of the time I thought I was “hungry”, I wasn’t truly physically hungry. The other thing I didn’t do was SAVOR. I love to cook and combine flavors, but if you asked me to discern what was in each meal I ate, I probably couldn’t tell you. Add to it being part of the clean plate club, I don’t get as much enjoyment from eating as I could or should. Learning to manage that hunger was very important. This is where self care comes in. I love making these lists-it’s the follow through that I struggle with. However, as part of the program, I need to make self care a priority, because that meets the needs I was substituting food for.

 

By the third week, I was feeling more in control over my eating, but I still struggled. The emotions dredged up the first two weeks were quite raw, and I needed to address those first, before I could continue. I took a week off from following the program to get those sorted out and processed. I did continue journaling and taking my mindful time, but did not use the ME log that week. It was very difficult, but I was able to sort through things and get back on track. It was great preparation for the next task-which is finding a support network. For a very long time, I thought I was going it alone, but if the past few years have shown me, I have an amazing cheerleading section that I can always depend upon. The crux of this week is determining your support system, and learning to ask for help if you need it.

 

Setting my GPS was another emotional blow out. It was difficult to confront all the busyness that I have allowed to creep into my life, and take charge of things. As much as I would like to think I live with intention, that is not always the case. Week four also addressed one of my biggest issues-the slump. My weight loss life can be described as many slumps strung together, with the usual pattern. Despite my enthusiasm, I never can seem to break out of them-usually because I am so caught up in the immediacy of the situation. There are some great ideas for breaking out of one, and believe it or not-they work! I can’t see the forest for the trees, or so the adage goes.

 

I can’t say that I’ve lost a lot of pounds on this program, but I have lost a lot of weight. I highly recommend this for other women (and men, although the program is geared towards females). It can bring up unpleasant feelings, but you need to address those if you want to get over the emotional eating that is eating at you.

So emotional

I am an emotional eater. I admit it. I eat to stuff feelings, to drown my sorrows with 4 good friends: Ben, Jerry, Hagen and Dazs. From Mayo Clinic's website:

Although some people actually eat less in the face of strong emotions, if you're in emotional distress you may turn to impulsive or binge eating — you may rapidly eat whatever's convenient, without even enjoying it. In fact, your emotions may become so tied to your eating habits that you automatically reach for a sweet treat whenever you're angry or stressed without stopping to think about what you're doing.

Food also serves as a distraction. If you're worried about an upcoming event or stewing over a conflict, for instance, you may focus on eating comfort food instead of dealing with the painful situation.

Whatever emotions drive you to overeat, the end result is often the same. The emotions return, and you may also now bear the additional burden of guilt about setting back your weight-loss goal. This can also lead to an unhealthy cycle — your emotions trigger you to overeat, you beat yourself up for getting off your weight-loss track, you feel badly, and you overeat again.

I know this cycle all too well. In the last year and a half, I lost 60 lbs and then yo yo'ed gaining back those 60 and adding another 20 to them. There, I said it. It's out in the open. I'm embarrassed, ashamed and disgusted by that. I vowed to never be unhealthy and I went beyond that.
I wound up at my heaviest and laziest I've ever been.

Starting over is so hard. Personally, stepping onto that scale, and struggling to zip up fat clothes was my rock bottom. Being winded climbing the stairs was a wake up call. I don't have energy to play with my kid.

I'm at the point where I know I need to do something to just end this cycle once and for all. I can either accept the fact that this is my life, and deal with being big and get on with it. Or I do what's necessary to change.

Change is hard. It stinks. It's painful. Staying the same on the surface is easy, but it eventually will wear you down. I don't want to be in the same position, on the couch, living like this 5 years from now. Or a year from now. Or 6 months from now. Or next week. Not even tomorrow.

So first things first. I need to get the mindless, emotional eating under control.
1. Find a better way to deal with my emotions. Eating them away isn't going to make it better.
2. Surround myself with healthy opportunities and take them
3. Stop being a martyr.
4. Pamper myself

It's not just about eating healthy or exercising. That's actually the least of it. It's taking care of me across the board. When I hit the wall and my stress level gets to the max, I freeze. I tend to have this horrific back pain. I'm just constantly exhausted (is it because I'm not exercising, eating healthy? Or is this why I'm not making better choices?) and there's nothing in the tank.

So, starting today since there's no time like the present, I'm going to take Mayo Clinic's advice and work on this roller coaster ride and turn it from Great Adventure's El Toro to a kiddie coaster:

Tame your stress. If stress contributes to your emotional eating, try a stress management technique, such as yoga, meditation or relaxation.
Have a hunger reality check. Is your hunger physical or emotional? If you ate just a few hours ago and don't have a rumbling stomach, you're probably not really hungry. Give the craving a little time to pass.
Keep a food diary. Write down what you eat, how much you eat, when you eat, how you're feeling when you eat and how hungry you are. Over time, you may see patterns emerge that reveal the connection between mood and food.
Get support. You're more likely to give in to emotional eating if you lack a good support network. Lean on family and friends or consider joining a support group.
Fight boredom. Instead of snacking when you're not truly hungry, distract yourself. Take a walk, watch a movie, play with your cat, listen to music, read, surf the Internet or call a friend.
Take away temptation. Don't keep supplies of comfort foods in your home if they're hard for you to resist. And if you feel angry or blue, postpone your trip to the grocery store until you're sure that you have your emotions in check.
Don't deprive yourself. When you're trying to achieve a weight-loss goal, you may limit your calories too much, eat the same foods frequently and banish the treats you enjoy. This may just serve to increase your food cravings, especially in response to emotions. Let yourself enjoy an occasional treat and get plenty of variety to help curb cravings.
Snack healthy. If you feel the urge to eat between meals, choose a low-fat, low-calorie snack, such as fresh fruit, vegetables with fat-free dip, or unbuttered popcorn. Or try low-fat, lower calorie versions of your favorite foods to see if they satisfy your craving.
Get enough sleep. If you're constantly tired, you might snack to try to give yourself an energy boost. Take a nap or go to bed earlier instead.
Seek therapy. If you've tried self-help options but you still can't get control of your emotional eating, consider therapy with a professional mental health provider. Therapy can help you understand the motivations behind your emotional eating and help you learn new coping skills. Therapy can also help you discover whether you may have an eating disorder, which is sometimes connected to emotional eating.

Here's to not being so emotional.