Skin

As I make the transition to living a more yogic lifestyle, I am shedding a lot of skin. For many years, I was a compulsive overeater. I used my weight as a form of protection. I was guarding my heart and soul from a lot of things that were hurtful. On the subconscious level, I looked at it as being fat was a better excuse than facing up to the actual situation. Its easier to be fat than to admit you are surrounding yourself with people who are not supportive and caring about you (rather what you can do for them). I used to eat to stuff my emotions, and it was definitely a case of what was eating me.

 

I had a health crisis that caused me to completely re-examine my life and my choices. The first thing I did was eliminate animal based products from my diet. Yes, I went vegan for good. For me, the hardest thing is the fact that the Big Man doesn’t like most of what I eat, so I wind up making multiple meals. I have friends whose spouses went along on the journey with them. That is not true in my case. I also added in whole, home cooked foods. I stopped eating processed junk and soda, and I started to watch the weight drop off me. I lost almost 10% of my body weight in just over 6 weeks by not eating fast food or chips or having cokes multiple times a day.

The second big thing I did was I began to focus on mindful eating. I made each meal an experience. No more eating at my desk at work or during meetings. No more surfing the web or reading a book while I ate. I focused on eating. I say a prayer of gratitude for what I am about to eat. I make it an experience. I eat off real plates, with real silverware. I drink out of real glasses (no more disposable for me!). When I can, I add candles and table clothes, because eating should be an experience. I have noticed I eat less, not intentionally, but it just seems to work out that way.

 

The third thing is I am now owning my feelings. I journal more, and I focus on what needs to be resolved and with whom. I no longer let things fester or be stuffed down. I know I don’t like confrontation, but sometimes I need to do that in order to preserve my health. I am also slowly eliminating the 3 p’s of toxicity: people, places and products.

 

Fourth, I am eating when I am hungry. I don’t feel guilty over what I am eating either. Diets as we commonly know them don’t work. I am living proof of that. If it’s a commercially available diet, I have probably been on it. I could count points, grams, whatever. Since I stopped counting calories, I am losing weight. I am more focused on the quality of food that I am eating. I choose organic, whole foods versus anything that contains products made in lab. Since I started eating real food, my chronic aches and pains have been reduced. I don’t feel foggy headed. I am not constantly tired.  Yes, it is much more work. However, my health is important to me and it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.

Honesty

During the confession of sin in the book of common prayer,  we say that we have sinned in thought, word and deed. Sin isn’t always an overt action, we sometimes think and say things that aren’t always good or right, and for that we need to ask for forgiveness. One of the ashtangs, or eight limbs of yoga, is satya-truthfulness. It’s not just telling the truth, but living honestly. Its having a code of ethics and living by it. For many, this is the most difficult limb to live by.

It might be my religious background, or it just might be my personal code of conduct, but I try to live a honest life. That means, from the time I get up in the morning to the time I go to bed at night, I make truthful and honest choices. When I am at work, I work. I don’t conduct personal business. I don’t waste time, borrow supplies or anything else like that.

If I say I am going to do something, I do it. I don’t make commitments that I have no intention of following through on. People know that if I am going to do something, then they should consider it done. This is so important as a parent. There is nothing worse than moms or dads who promise their kids things and have zero intention of following through.  That being said, there are instances when a commitment was made and then a circumstance arose and I could no longer honor it, I have been open and up-front about it.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

One thing I can’t stand is when someone lies to me. It’s not that they lied, it’s the fact that I wasn’t worth the truth in the first place.  That is more painful than the actual lie. If you think that little of me, then you shouldn’t be in my life in the first place.

One of my favorite movies is the Invention of Lying with Ricky Gervais. It’s a funny look at a world where no one lies, and one day, his character suddenly does. Comic mischief ensues, and there is a soppy, moral ending slapped on, but the premise really fascinated me.

Love is all you Need

 Yoga has gone totally mainstream over the last decade or so. When I began practicing in the 1980’s, it was down, dirty and counterculture (all of which appealed to the rebel in me). I learned very quickly that yoga was much more than what happened on the mat. The eight limbs (or ashtang) are part of yogi c philosophy that provide a pretty great framework for living. Much of this is lost in today’s yoga classes, which focus on asana-or the poses.  I have made a conscious choice since I started practicing to use the ashtang as my personal philosophy on one level or another. In the last year or so, it all really clicked for me and its completely rocked my world.

 

Ahimsa or non-violence is defined as Abstinence from injury that arises out of love for all, harmlessness, the not causing of pain to any living creature in thought, word, or deed at any time. In my life, this means I have made a conscious choice to not consume products that are tested on animals. I have chosen to follow a plant based diet. I choose my words carefully. I look for the good in people. I volunteer with groups promoting love. I have made a choice to limit my environmental impact by adopting a green lifestyle.  I also have spent much of my adult life promoting peace. I am a hippie at heart, and I think finding common ground and working to eliminate violence should be our goal as humans. I won’t get on my soapbox, but as my son grows up, I want him to live in a world without war, hatred, bigotry and prejuidice.

Money (That's What I Want)

There are eight limbs of yoga (the actual poses are just a very small part of it actually). One of the limbs is yama, or self restraints. One of them is asteya, which translates from the Sanskrit as non stealing, non coveting and non entering into debt. It is very similar to several of the 10 commandments-don’t steal, don’t covet, don’t make a false oath (which is really what debt is-you made an agreement to take money that wasn’t yours). I am ok with the not stealing part, but the other two, well…let’s just say they’ve been a struggle for me.

Do not covet…I have spent a good chunk of my life coveting other people’s lives, stuff and then some. There were a lot of if only I could lose weight and look like (insert name here) my life would be perfect. If I dressed like so and so, more people would like me. If I drove that car, I would finally be cool. Marketing is intended to make us covet, because that’s how products are sold. It’s not the product or service itself-it’s the promise of if you had it, your life would change. Maybe it’s the wisdom of graying hair and wrinkling, but I am much more comfortable in my own skin. I don’t have an issue saying that I don’t support x, or y is not on my food plan or z is tested on animals or q is genetically modified. I don’t want what others have, because I have enough. I am enough without all these different goods…I am in the process of simplifying my life now, and it’s ok.

 

The not entering into debt is another issue I struggled with, mainly because of the whole coveting thing. I spent money that wasn’t mine to buy things I didn’t need. When the economy took a downtown in the last few years, conspicuous consumption caught up with a lot of people.  In its aftermath, I realized how I was stuck on the hamster wheel of trying to impress people I didn’t like with things I couldn’t afford. Debt is a weight on you, and until its gone, you can’t catch your breath fully. I have learned the hard way about how this can lead to ruin, and while it’s been a struggle, I know that I am like a phoenix raising out of the ashes.

 

Kate Northrup wrote a great book called Money  A Love Story, which reframed my relationship with money on so many levels. I already practiced the law of attraction (short & sweet-you attract what you think, conscious or unconscious), except when it came to money. I became a general hot mess, and it showed. I won’t get into a long tortured her-story on my relationship with money, but once I reframed things, life (and my bank account) blossomed. First and foremost, I began to focus on gratitude and abundance. I check my bank balance daily, and I say a prayer of gratitude that I have money in there and that my needs are being met.

 

For years I have told my son to watch his words, because they have power. If I am using words that signify lack, I am diminishing power in my life. When I reframe the same thoughts in terms of abundance, the law of attraction works its magic. Instead of saying I can’t afford something, I instead say I choose not to get whatever. I stopped using shopping (and money) as a stand in for other things, like love, comfort, pleasure in my life. I spent time indentifying what I value, and then began to base my spending habits on that. For example, I value fresh, organic foods so I spend money on that versus fast food. I also spend a few minutes each night writing in my gratitude journal, and listing 3 things I value about myself and 3 ways in which I added value to the world that day. I don’t need retail therapy to feel good about me. I feel good about me.

 

I also have reframed my relationship with money on other levels. I don’t have bills anymore. Instead, I have blessings that I already received. I am grateful for the electric bill, because I have lights and air conditioning in my house, medical bills because I am on the road to good health…you get the picture. I don’t have budget discussions with the big man anymore. Instead, we have financial freedom dates. I get dressed up, light candles, make lemon sodas in wine glasses, and we go to town. Its opened up some pretty rad dialogue for us, since money has always been a bit of a sticky wicket. I’m not perfect, but I am getting closer each day to living asteya.

Patience

Out of all the yamas, I struggle with kshama the most. It is translated from the Sanskrit as meaningpatience, releasing time, functioning in the now. For a type A, compulsive planner like me, this seems like the most  impossible of tasks. I don’t have time to be patient.

 

Until I had a few health crisis. Then all bets were off, and I had to recalibrate my life. I stopped the glorification of busy. I began to focus on the here and now, and being more mindful. I also stopped over scheduling my child. He needed time to be a kid, to explore the world and most importantly, to play.

 

It isn’t always easy, it didn’t happen overnight and in fact, it’s still a work in progress.

 

I do plan out my days, weeks and months, but leave a lot of wiggle room. I try to not have more than one activity on the weekends, unless it’s something fun like gardening or hiking or a picnic. I have stepped away from many of the organizations I was heavily involved with, because it was taking up too much of my time. It was hard (and scary!) at first, since much of my identity was tied to what I was working on. I spent quite a bit of time zoning out on the couch, surfing the web and what not, but then as time went on, it was less and less. I was reconnecting to my life.

 

I spent time in prayer and meditation, and found that still small voice speaking to me. Sometimes it sounded like my son, other times it was a cool breeze in the woods. It could even sound like the trade winds in Hawaii. The most important thing was that I listened. Intently. Much of the stress in my home disappeared. The household ran more smoothly and inefficiently. There was calmness and peace.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Tapas is the niyama about austerity. This word used to scare me. I always saw it as living in grayscale, where everyone is miserable. More gruel please.

As I begun to live a more yogic life, I began to think of austerity as liberating. I see it as more limiting the negative in your life and releasing what no longer serves you. The more you let go, the more free you are.

Time is on my Side

In the past, I have been accused of being flighty and not always sticking to task. Today, I might be diagnosed with ADHD, which would be incorrect. I do have quite the attention span, it’s just I am so excited by all that the world has to offer I want to take it all in. As time has gone on, I have forced myself to be disciplined and seeing tasks through to completion. I struggle with things I don’t particularly care for the most. In most cases, I’d rather be doing a craft project or reading or time sucking on facebook than cleaning or other less favorite activities.

Alas, I can’t always get what I want, and I have to do these things.

Enter, the GTD system. GTD stands for get things done, and it’s a time management philosophy. For people like me, it’s a phenomenal system. The crux of it is taking things from your mind, and recording them on paper/online/whatever and then break into manageable tasks or segments. Basically, I don’t have to keep trying to recall things and I can focus on what’s truly important.

There are 5 basic steps: capture, clarify, organize, reflect and engage.

Capturing includes making my lists. Each week, I start off with “in” list. It’s all the tasks that I have going on for the next week. Its everything from going grocery shopping to wanting to polish my French skills to a recipe I want to try. It’s an ongoing to do list. I review it and start delegating those tasks. Is it something that requires action (right away or someday) or does it need to be “incubated” (go to the ticker file). If it requires an action step, I think about what needs to be done and add it to my next action list or deciding if it needs to be delegated.

From the next action step, I move onto contexts-how I tag my to do list. I break it down by the following:

@calls-phone calls I need to make/respond

@emails-emails I need to send/respond

@home-things that need to get done at home

@errands-errands that need to be run

@work-tasks that need to be done at work

@ school-stuff for school & activities

@ scouts

@ gym

It helps me delegate and see the big picture. It’s pretty rewarding to check things off my list.

I also have a projects list, for things that require multiple steps or a longer range. I title the list with the project (ex: vacation) and then break it down into action steps. It makes it more manageable for me and its actually how my “logical” brain works.

Another list I have is my agendas, which I use quite differently than how the system designed it. I use it mostly for the little man’s therapy sessions, since we don’t meet on a weekly basis. It’s a running list of accomplishments, and sometimes, epic fails. It allows me to not have everything in my head and instead I can spend the session working on improving skills. I also use it for recurring events-some meetings, book group, etc.

I also have my someday list, which is my long range planning. Its everything that I would love to do, when I had the time/unlimited funds/whatever. I do look at it on a weekly basis, and sometimes I can move those projects or ideas to my action plan. Some of them have been on there forever, but that’s ok. Someday hasn’t gotten here yet!

My other primary tool is the calendar. I have lots of things to do on my calendar. If there is a deadline, it goes on my calendar. Everything else stays on my lists. This way I can focus on deadlines. I also schedule certain times to do recurring tasks (like return phone calls)-that way the caller can expect a response and I can block out the time.

Each week I do a weekly review of my lists. I make sure things that needed to get done, got done and if not, reschedule. I also add things to my calendar for the upcoming week, and can plan meals, etc around that.

My other part of the system that really works for me are my folders. Yes, folders. In fact, 45 of them. (the actual system calls for 43, but I’ve added a few more to customize). There are 12 folders for each month, and 31 folders for each day. I file everything-bills, correspondence, paperwork for school, etc as stuff comes in. If it’s not due until the next month (or longer), it goes into that month’s folder. Each month, I go through that month’s folder and then put the paperwork in the proper day’s folder. For example, Little Man has to bring in an egg carton on a specific day the next month. I will put it on my action plan, and a reminder in the folder. Every morning I check the folder for that day and it helps me to remember what needs to be done. I don’t have a gazillion things bouncing around in my head, and I am more efficient.

I have also added a to read folder, so I can grab it when I know I am going to have waiting time or down time. Its articles, listing of websites I wanted to visit and others. Sometimes I have an actual book or magazine in there, other times it’s a sticky note. I also added a to write folder-so I don’t miss people’s birthdays, special occasions or anything else I wanted to send a card for. I also keep stationary in there to write letters or notes. I keep this is my tote bag, so when I have down time I can be productive.

 

 

Happy

Its taken 44 years of living to say that I am finally truly happy with my life. I am at the point where I find the joy in everyday things-the sunrise, a full moon, a luscious piece of fruit, my son’s giggle-that make up the truly big things in my world. I wish it didn’t take a health crisis to spur things on, but unfortunately it did, and it was the tipping point. I realized that if I didn’t make the changes I did, when I did, I would be dead in a few years. I used to be dependent on other people, places and products to make me happy. There were a lot of if only’s going on in my life. If only I had such a such thing, if only I was going to x event, if only so and so was my friend, I would be happy.

And more often than not, I was miserable.

I realized that health, family and love are the three most important things in life. Material things are nice, but not necessary to lead a contented, happy life. I spend time every day writing in my gratitude journal at least 10 things I am grateful for. The more I think about it, the more things I find.

I also keep a happy list, things that make me well, happy. Every day I do at least 3 things from that list. It can be as simple as smelling my coffee as it brews, giving my dog a belly rub and snuggling with my son (which is what I accomplished yesterday) to doing a whole bunch. I have noticed when I slack off on this, things begin to get dark and I find myself falling into that pit.

Down to the Water

Cleanliness is next to godliness, at least according to my grama.

I didn’t always live such a clean life either. Back in the day, I partied hardy. I smoke, drank, ate crap and did some things I wasn’t always proud of. Worse yet, I didn’t always have a clean mind-I let the dark outshine the light. I was a slob on a lot of levels. As I’ve gotten older, I have begun to clean things up. I cleaned up my diet-limiting processed foods, going vegan, drinking more water. I cleaned up my lifestyle-no more drinking or smoking, limiting my contact with toxic people. I’m cleaning up my house too-fewer toxic products, decreasing clutter, letting in light.

Many people think eating clean is hard. Its only hard if you let it be. Its less convenient because I need to cook more and put more thought into what I am eating. I can’t just grab fast food, I need to prepare. I eat lots of fruits, vegetables and grains. I drink a lot of fresh juice. I drink mostly water and limit  my caffeine intake. I watch how much salt & sugar are in the foods I consume.

I spend time every day tidying up my house. Once I got things under control, life got easier. I don’t have clutter everywhere. The chi moves freely in my home. There is more abundance.

I have started practicing the habit of ishnaan (hydrotherapy). It’s a cold shower, done in a specific manner. I take a normal shower after I go to the gym at night, so my morning ishnaan is not necessarily about cleaning. It a way to wake up your body and clean out toxins. This practice comes out of the kundalini tradition, and it is a game changer.

I have a pair of white boxers. I massage almond oil on me. I get into a cold shower and do a little wahe guru dance. When I started doing this, I originally was not convinced, but the more I did it, the better I felt. My skin looked better. I didn’t get sick as often. Plus, I was wide awake without chugging copious amounts of caffeine.