Skin

As I make the transition to living a more yogic lifestyle, I am shedding a lot of skin. For many years, I was a compulsive overeater. I used my weight as a form of protection. I was guarding my heart and soul from a lot of things that were hurtful. On the subconscious level, I looked at it as being fat was a better excuse than facing up to the actual situation. Its easier to be fat than to admit you are surrounding yourself with people who are not supportive and caring about you (rather what you can do for them). I used to eat to stuff my emotions, and it was definitely a case of what was eating me.

 

I had a health crisis that caused me to completely re-examine my life and my choices. The first thing I did was eliminate animal based products from my diet. Yes, I went vegan for good. For me, the hardest thing is the fact that the Big Man doesn’t like most of what I eat, so I wind up making multiple meals. I have friends whose spouses went along on the journey with them. That is not true in my case. I also added in whole, home cooked foods. I stopped eating processed junk and soda, and I started to watch the weight drop off me. I lost almost 10% of my body weight in just over 6 weeks by not eating fast food or chips or having cokes multiple times a day.

The second big thing I did was I began to focus on mindful eating. I made each meal an experience. No more eating at my desk at work or during meetings. No more surfing the web or reading a book while I ate. I focused on eating. I say a prayer of gratitude for what I am about to eat. I make it an experience. I eat off real plates, with real silverware. I drink out of real glasses (no more disposable for me!). When I can, I add candles and table clothes, because eating should be an experience. I have noticed I eat less, not intentionally, but it just seems to work out that way.

 

The third thing is I am now owning my feelings. I journal more, and I focus on what needs to be resolved and with whom. I no longer let things fester or be stuffed down. I know I don’t like confrontation, but sometimes I need to do that in order to preserve my health. I am also slowly eliminating the 3 p’s of toxicity: people, places and products.

 

Fourth, I am eating when I am hungry. I don’t feel guilty over what I am eating either. Diets as we commonly know them don’t work. I am living proof of that. If it’s a commercially available diet, I have probably been on it. I could count points, grams, whatever. Since I stopped counting calories, I am losing weight. I am more focused on the quality of food that I am eating. I choose organic, whole foods versus anything that contains products made in lab. Since I started eating real food, my chronic aches and pains have been reduced. I don’t feel foggy headed. I am not constantly tired.  Yes, it is much more work. However, my health is important to me and it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.

Honesty

During the confession of sin in the book of common prayer,  we say that we have sinned in thought, word and deed. Sin isn’t always an overt action, we sometimes think and say things that aren’t always good or right, and for that we need to ask for forgiveness. One of the ashtangs, or eight limbs of yoga, is satya-truthfulness. It’s not just telling the truth, but living honestly. Its having a code of ethics and living by it. For many, this is the most difficult limb to live by.

It might be my religious background, or it just might be my personal code of conduct, but I try to live a honest life. That means, from the time I get up in the morning to the time I go to bed at night, I make truthful and honest choices. When I am at work, I work. I don’t conduct personal business. I don’t waste time, borrow supplies or anything else like that.

If I say I am going to do something, I do it. I don’t make commitments that I have no intention of following through on. People know that if I am going to do something, then they should consider it done. This is so important as a parent. There is nothing worse than moms or dads who promise their kids things and have zero intention of following through.  That being said, there are instances when a commitment was made and then a circumstance arose and I could no longer honor it, I have been open and up-front about it.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

One thing I can’t stand is when someone lies to me. It’s not that they lied, it’s the fact that I wasn’t worth the truth in the first place.  That is more painful than the actual lie. If you think that little of me, then you shouldn’t be in my life in the first place.

One of my favorite movies is the Invention of Lying with Ricky Gervais. It’s a funny look at a world where no one lies, and one day, his character suddenly does. Comic mischief ensues, and there is a soppy, moral ending slapped on, but the premise really fascinated me.

Love is all you Need

 Yoga has gone totally mainstream over the last decade or so. When I began practicing in the 1980’s, it was down, dirty and counterculture (all of which appealed to the rebel in me). I learned very quickly that yoga was much more than what happened on the mat. The eight limbs (or ashtang) are part of yogi c philosophy that provide a pretty great framework for living. Much of this is lost in today’s yoga classes, which focus on asana-or the poses.  I have made a conscious choice since I started practicing to use the ashtang as my personal philosophy on one level or another. In the last year or so, it all really clicked for me and its completely rocked my world.

 

Ahimsa or non-violence is defined as Abstinence from injury that arises out of love for all, harmlessness, the not causing of pain to any living creature in thought, word, or deed at any time. In my life, this means I have made a conscious choice to not consume products that are tested on animals. I have chosen to follow a plant based diet. I choose my words carefully. I look for the good in people. I volunteer with groups promoting love. I have made a choice to limit my environmental impact by adopting a green lifestyle.  I also have spent much of my adult life promoting peace. I am a hippie at heart, and I think finding common ground and working to eliminate violence should be our goal as humans. I won’t get on my soapbox, but as my son grows up, I want him to live in a world without war, hatred, bigotry and prejuidice.

Money (That's What I Want)

There are eight limbs of yoga (the actual poses are just a very small part of it actually). One of the limbs is yama, or self restraints. One of them is asteya, which translates from the Sanskrit as non stealing, non coveting and non entering into debt. It is very similar to several of the 10 commandments-don’t steal, don’t covet, don’t make a false oath (which is really what debt is-you made an agreement to take money that wasn’t yours). I am ok with the not stealing part, but the other two, well…let’s just say they’ve been a struggle for me.

Do not covet…I have spent a good chunk of my life coveting other people’s lives, stuff and then some. There were a lot of if only I could lose weight and look like (insert name here) my life would be perfect. If I dressed like so and so, more people would like me. If I drove that car, I would finally be cool. Marketing is intended to make us covet, because that’s how products are sold. It’s not the product or service itself-it’s the promise of if you had it, your life would change. Maybe it’s the wisdom of graying hair and wrinkling, but I am much more comfortable in my own skin. I don’t have an issue saying that I don’t support x, or y is not on my food plan or z is tested on animals or q is genetically modified. I don’t want what others have, because I have enough. I am enough without all these different goods…I am in the process of simplifying my life now, and it’s ok.

 

The not entering into debt is another issue I struggled with, mainly because of the whole coveting thing. I spent money that wasn’t mine to buy things I didn’t need. When the economy took a downtown in the last few years, conspicuous consumption caught up with a lot of people.  In its aftermath, I realized how I was stuck on the hamster wheel of trying to impress people I didn’t like with things I couldn’t afford. Debt is a weight on you, and until its gone, you can’t catch your breath fully. I have learned the hard way about how this can lead to ruin, and while it’s been a struggle, I know that I am like a phoenix raising out of the ashes.

 

Kate Northrup wrote a great book called Money  A Love Story, which reframed my relationship with money on so many levels. I already practiced the law of attraction (short & sweet-you attract what you think, conscious or unconscious), except when it came to money. I became a general hot mess, and it showed. I won’t get into a long tortured her-story on my relationship with money, but once I reframed things, life (and my bank account) blossomed. First and foremost, I began to focus on gratitude and abundance. I check my bank balance daily, and I say a prayer of gratitude that I have money in there and that my needs are being met.

 

For years I have told my son to watch his words, because they have power. If I am using words that signify lack, I am diminishing power in my life. When I reframe the same thoughts in terms of abundance, the law of attraction works its magic. Instead of saying I can’t afford something, I instead say I choose not to get whatever. I stopped using shopping (and money) as a stand in for other things, like love, comfort, pleasure in my life. I spent time indentifying what I value, and then began to base my spending habits on that. For example, I value fresh, organic foods so I spend money on that versus fast food. I also spend a few minutes each night writing in my gratitude journal, and listing 3 things I value about myself and 3 ways in which I added value to the world that day. I don’t need retail therapy to feel good about me. I feel good about me.

 

I also have reframed my relationship with money on other levels. I don’t have bills anymore. Instead, I have blessings that I already received. I am grateful for the electric bill, because I have lights and air conditioning in my house, medical bills because I am on the road to good health…you get the picture. I don’t have budget discussions with the big man anymore. Instead, we have financial freedom dates. I get dressed up, light candles, make lemon sodas in wine glasses, and we go to town. Its opened up some pretty rad dialogue for us, since money has always been a bit of a sticky wicket. I’m not perfect, but I am getting closer each day to living asteya.

Patience

Out of all the yamas, I struggle with kshama the most. It is translated from the Sanskrit as meaningpatience, releasing time, functioning in the now. For a type A, compulsive planner like me, this seems like the most  impossible of tasks. I don’t have time to be patient.

 

Until I had a few health crisis. Then all bets were off, and I had to recalibrate my life. I stopped the glorification of busy. I began to focus on the here and now, and being more mindful. I also stopped over scheduling my child. He needed time to be a kid, to explore the world and most importantly, to play.

 

It isn’t always easy, it didn’t happen overnight and in fact, it’s still a work in progress.

 

I do plan out my days, weeks and months, but leave a lot of wiggle room. I try to not have more than one activity on the weekends, unless it’s something fun like gardening or hiking or a picnic. I have stepped away from many of the organizations I was heavily involved with, because it was taking up too much of my time. It was hard (and scary!) at first, since much of my identity was tied to what I was working on. I spent quite a bit of time zoning out on the couch, surfing the web and what not, but then as time went on, it was less and less. I was reconnecting to my life.

 

I spent time in prayer and meditation, and found that still small voice speaking to me. Sometimes it sounded like my son, other times it was a cool breeze in the woods. It could even sound like the trade winds in Hawaii. The most important thing was that I listened. Intently. Much of the stress in my home disappeared. The household ran more smoothly and inefficiently. There was calmness and peace.

Time is on my Side

In the past, I have been accused of being flighty and not always sticking to task. Today, I might be diagnosed with ADHD, which would be incorrect. I do have quite the attention span, it’s just I am so excited by all that the world has to offer I want to take it all in. As time has gone on, I have forced myself to be disciplined and seeing tasks through to completion. I struggle with things I don’t particularly care for the most. In most cases, I’d rather be doing a craft project or reading or time sucking on facebook than cleaning or other less favorite activities.

Alas, I can’t always get what I want, and I have to do these things.

Enter, the GTD system. GTD stands for get things done, and it’s a time management philosophy. For people like me, it’s a phenomenal system. The crux of it is taking things from your mind, and recording them on paper/online/whatever and then break into manageable tasks or segments. Basically, I don’t have to keep trying to recall things and I can focus on what’s truly important.

There are 5 basic steps: capture, clarify, organize, reflect and engage.

Capturing includes making my lists. Each week, I start off with “in” list. It’s all the tasks that I have going on for the next week. Its everything from going grocery shopping to wanting to polish my French skills to a recipe I want to try. It’s an ongoing to do list. I review it and start delegating those tasks. Is it something that requires action (right away or someday) or does it need to be “incubated” (go to the ticker file). If it requires an action step, I think about what needs to be done and add it to my next action list or deciding if it needs to be delegated.

From the next action step, I move onto contexts-how I tag my to do list. I break it down by the following:

@calls-phone calls I need to make/respond

@emails-emails I need to send/respond

@home-things that need to get done at home

@errands-errands that need to be run

@work-tasks that need to be done at work

@ school-stuff for school & activities

@ scouts

@ gym

It helps me delegate and see the big picture. It’s pretty rewarding to check things off my list.

I also have a projects list, for things that require multiple steps or a longer range. I title the list with the project (ex: vacation) and then break it down into action steps. It makes it more manageable for me and its actually how my “logical” brain works.

Another list I have is my agendas, which I use quite differently than how the system designed it. I use it mostly for the little man’s therapy sessions, since we don’t meet on a weekly basis. It’s a running list of accomplishments, and sometimes, epic fails. It allows me to not have everything in my head and instead I can spend the session working on improving skills. I also use it for recurring events-some meetings, book group, etc.

I also have my someday list, which is my long range planning. Its everything that I would love to do, when I had the time/unlimited funds/whatever. I do look at it on a weekly basis, and sometimes I can move those projects or ideas to my action plan. Some of them have been on there forever, but that’s ok. Someday hasn’t gotten here yet!

My other primary tool is the calendar. I have lots of things to do on my calendar. If there is a deadline, it goes on my calendar. Everything else stays on my lists. This way I can focus on deadlines. I also schedule certain times to do recurring tasks (like return phone calls)-that way the caller can expect a response and I can block out the time.

Each week I do a weekly review of my lists. I make sure things that needed to get done, got done and if not, reschedule. I also add things to my calendar for the upcoming week, and can plan meals, etc around that.

My other part of the system that really works for me are my folders. Yes, folders. In fact, 45 of them. (the actual system calls for 43, but I’ve added a few more to customize). There are 12 folders for each month, and 31 folders for each day. I file everything-bills, correspondence, paperwork for school, etc as stuff comes in. If it’s not due until the next month (or longer), it goes into that month’s folder. Each month, I go through that month’s folder and then put the paperwork in the proper day’s folder. For example, Little Man has to bring in an egg carton on a specific day the next month. I will put it on my action plan, and a reminder in the folder. Every morning I check the folder for that day and it helps me to remember what needs to be done. I don’t have a gazillion things bouncing around in my head, and I am more efficient.

I have also added a to read folder, so I can grab it when I know I am going to have waiting time or down time. Its articles, listing of websites I wanted to visit and others. Sometimes I have an actual book or magazine in there, other times it’s a sticky note. I also added a to write folder-so I don’t miss people’s birthdays, special occasions or anything else I wanted to send a card for. I also keep stationary in there to write letters or notes. I keep this is my tote bag, so when I have down time I can be productive.

 

 

Love is All Around

When I was 14, I had a consciousness raising. The song Do They Know it’s Christmas was released, to raise funds to help relieve the Ethiopian famine. It was the first time I had an awareness that I could make a difference in the world, and it changed the course of my life. I decided that I wanted to spread love and make earth a happy place to be. Over time, I have refined what love means to me, but it’s a guiding principle.

There are a few issues that I work to change and make better for us a society: food, housing, the environment, women, children and animals. Sometimes they are all interconnected, other times not so much. The volunteer work I do revolves around those areas. The political causes I support are based on those as well. The older I get, the more I realize one voice can make a difference. I have seen it-and continue to see it. I remember the one man standing in front of the tanks in Tiananmen Square. He made a difference. We all can.

Find a cause you care about. One of my pet causes is hunger. I would love to see hunger end in Sioux Falls tomorrow. One way to do it, is volunteering with the Banquet and serving meals. Another is volunteering to fill backpacks for Feeding South Dakota’s Backpack Program. Everyone has something that jazzes them. Find yours, and see what opportunities are available. Most organizations would love to have you.  

For us, it’s a family thing. I look for opportunities for us to serve together. Sometimes it’s serving meals, other times its stuffing envelopes. There are always groups that need help. My son is a Boy Scout, and he needs to get in service hours every month. I am always on the lookout for ways he can get involved. Recently, he volunteered as an usher for Les Miz, and helped at the downtown duck derby. As he gets older, I hope he continues to serve others because we are commanded: what you do for the least of people, you do for Me.

Someone Like You

Brahmacharya being constantly aware of the universe, immersed in divinity, divine conduct, continence, celibate when single, faithfulness when married.

Have you ever thought about how life would be if you wound up with your first love (or some other lost love)? Or daydreamed about some movie star/musician/athlete? Are you in a relationship? Then you are not being faithful.

This has been the source of debate in my home lately. To be honest, I don’t want to reconnect with any past relationships. They are in the past for a reason. When those relationships ended, I wished them well and went on with my life. I’m not being mean or anything, it’s just how I feel. They are in the past, and I can’t go back and recreate that ever again. For whatever reason, it didn’t work out, and its life. We are not all meant to be together forever. I am grateful for those relationships, because they contributed to who I am today. In other words, I am no longer the same person I was when I dated that person. I will never be again. You know what-I have no desire to be that person either.

If it wasn’t for that relationship ending in the past, I wouldn’t have gotten married. I wouldn’t have my beautiful home. My dog wouldn’t be mine, nor would my cat. Most importantly, I wouldn’t be a mom to my son. Things happen for a reason, and while there was some initial sadness when relationships ended, in the end, I am grateful. I love the life I am living and wouldn’t trade it for the world. Facebook and social media makes it really easy to go back to the past, for those glory days. It’s a slippery slope. I think those who chose to reconnect with past relationships when they are married are treading into dangerous waters. What good can it bring to your current relationship? How will it enhance your current situation? Will it make your relationship stronger or will it undermine it?

I don’t care how secure you are in your relationship, when your significant other reconnects with a former flame, there are a lot of anxieties and issues that bubble up. It might start out as innocent, but if one party feels threatened or if it feels disrespectful, it needs to stop. It’s a form of unfaithfulness. It will never increase intimacy-in fact it does the opposite. It is even more challenging if this ex has cast a long dark shadow over your relationship. {note: this is true in cases where mutual children are not involved. In those situations, the more friendly the parents are, the easier it is to co-parent} Once that door has been opened, it can never be completely shut and there will be doubts continually cast. Trust is eroded.

You might be thinking-all this from friending someone on Facebook?

Yes. If you had an intimate relationship with someone, it ended and you’ve married another, you have no business being friends with your ex. You have no need to go back to that, unless you are not happy in your current situation-then you need to end your current relationship. Its cheating, albeit on an emotional level. If you can’t be present fully, you shouldn’t be in that relationship. Period.

Someday I'll Be Saturday Night

I started practicing yoga in 1987. I was 17, and yoga was still considered to be a fringe practice, that was the equivalent of tofu, sprouts and patchouli oil. It started off as a bit of teenage rebellion-look how different I am, suburbia-and it wound up transforming my life. My first teacher had studied on an ashram in India, and many practices she learned there were introduced to us as part of our class. I learned about meditation, neti pots, body brushing, oil cleansing and the ashtanga Saturday practice. I was an early adopter of a lot of these practices, then stopped them when I was around people who didn’t always agree. Peer pressure reigned until I hit my 40’s, discovering that much of my freaky practices were becoming mainstream.

One of my favorites has always been the Saturday practice. Basically, you oil yourself up, relax and then take a hot shower. It’s like spa time at home. And a lot less expensive.

 

You use castor oil on your body, starting at the top of your head, and massage it into your skin and hair, and then lie in corpse pose from anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. Then you take a very warm shower and wash it off. Afterwards, make sure you are well hydrated and able to relax. I usually do it after I go to the gym and run my errands on Saturdays (sometimes I do my Saturday practice on Sundays or another day during the week because of scheduling) and I am like a jellyfish blob afterwards.

 

Castor oil is derived from the castor bean plant, which is native to India. The bean itself is toxic (the poison ricin is derived from it), but the oil has been used in healing practices going back to antiquity. Today, most Americans are familiar with castor oil as a remedy for constipation.

 

Some immediate benefits I have noticed from doing it include muscle pain disappearing, a deeper sense of relaxation, glowing skin, as well as feeling more flexible. According to ayurvedic tradition, the oil bath dissolves ama or toxins, so it’s a super cheap detox.

 

Some lessons I have learned from this practice include:

Being careful and not slip on an oily floor

Wash the shower out afterwards so no one else (like your husband) slips on your leftover mess

Don’t decide to exercise really hard the next day. Let’s just say I learned that lesson the hard way

Start off with 5-10 minutes and gradually work your way up to an hour, gradually. Add 5 minutes more each week (as long as you feel comfortable). Don’t go for an hour out of the gate

Don’t spend the day in the sun afterwards. Otherwise you will look like a lobster. Seriously.

 

The Sanskrit word for oil is sneha, which also can be translated as love. When I do my Saturday practice, I am practicing love.