Counting My Blessings

One of the hardest things for me to focus on is everything that I have to be thankful for-at least consistently. Its hard because I've got that ingrained woe is me attitude that has permeated my life. Its a generational thing, this martyrdom complex. Basically, its an attitude of "my life really stinks and here's why". By listing my blessings regularly it reminds me regularly that my life is really great and that I am not as miserable as I try to make it out to be. The negativity actually is a lifestyle, because all sorts of other things get wrapped up into it.
I know when I am stuck in that mindset of woe is me, I really stop taking care of me. I eat less healthfully. I don't exercise, and I make less of an effort to add movement to my day. I don't make as much effort with my appearance. Then other things backslide-my prayer life, how the house looks, my spending habits. It all plays into each other. I get sloppy, and then I wind up punishing myself because of this.
I don't know what triggers this for me, its like just out of a clear blue sky it hits. And then I wallow in my misery for a while too. The problem is, my family gets stuck too-its a package deal.
Yes, I do have some challenges in my life, but its a matter of turning that frown upside down and moving on. I am a firm believer that God does not give you more than you can handle. He also has events in our lives happen and they happen for a reason. Its not something always visible at the time, but things happen.
For example, if I had gotten married in my 20's, I never would have been able to take care of my grandmother for the last year of my life. I was able to put my life on hold and focus on her. I never would have been able to do that if I was married and had a family. It was the toughest job I've ever had. It also taught me to be a better mother and reminded me of things I never want to say to my child. It taught me not to hoard. It doesn't matter if you have things boxed up neatly, if you are never going to use you are never going to use it. My grandmother did not want to get rid of anything of my aunt's-books, clothes, anything. It didn't matter that she had died in 1989, it was like everything was on hold like she was coming back. It was tragic that my grandmother could not even make an attempt to move on and try to put her grief to good use. There were things she could have done to help work through the grief, but looking back she was unwilling to do it.
I know one of my biggest triggers for clutter are clothes. I love clothes. I like dressing nicely (my motto-who says fat girls can't have style?)and looking pretty. Its a big boost for me to feel good in what I wear. However, I insist on shopping off the clearance racks and not really being into a lot of the outfits. Its like I sell myself short on a regular basis. Yes, getting stuff on sale is great and an added bonus; however by limiting myself to only the clearance rack I miss out on a lot. I don't do that to my son or my husband, but I do it to me. Its like I feel I don't deserve a bigger selection of clothes and its very limiting. I have a whole closet full of things that I don't wear. In fact, there are a lot of things hanging in my closet with the tags still on them.
But now...time to binge & purge the negativity and start counting my blessings.