Sabotage

...which is the title to my favorite Beastie Boys song, but I digress.
Sabotage is what I've been doing to myself (and in the extended version, my family) lately. Its what happens when I give in to temptation and not really take care of myself. That's why I am struggling with how I've let myself go again. I know that I am probably whining about this a lot but its on my mind. I don't want to backslide any more than I already have, and I don't want to go all crazy on things and then fall off the wagon a few months (or weeks from now). So I am not going to do anything radical.
Every journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. Today's single step is a mommy's day out. More like an afternoon or even a few hours. I want to get my haircut. Its been over 6 months since my last hair cut and I look pretty shaggy. I also want to get my eyebrows waxed so they can have some shape again. Another big thing on my to do list is get a new purse since my current one is falling apart. Purse shopping actually is a very anxiety provoking event for me, strange as it may seem. I actually had the greatest purse ever, and I lent it to my sister (along with my favorite pair of sandals) for her halloween costume a few years ago, and I've never seen either one again. She doesn't know what she did with either the sandals or my purse, and its not a high priority for her to find them either. So, I am actually hunting for this purse all over again-only this time I want it in either brown or gray to get me through spring. Maybe I can find a new pair of sandals too.
In between spoiling myself, I do need to buy the little man some new pants (a couple pairs of jeans and a pair of khakis). And I have a little grocery shopping to do too-some meat, some veggies, some lunches for the week for me...I also have to do some baking for coffee hour at church tomorrow.
I felt really guilty, I went to bed very early last night because I was just exhausted. Big Man was in charge, and I am assuming things went well with the boys. I just needed my sleep.
Today is a brand new day.
I can't be too hard on myself because I have made a lot of progress in my life. I realized that one of the reasons I am starving all morning long is when I don't eat a good breakfast (I prefer lightly frosted mini wheats with a banana, a slice of vegetarian sausage and a slice of buttered toast-and if I am really good, a half of grapefruit) which basically is a feast that keeps me full until lunch. I am getting better with lunches too-eating more fruits and veggies, not eating junk as much. I have been drinking a lot of crystal light at work, so I've been hydrated. You would think that with exercise, enough hydration and eating healthy I would be the energizer bunny. I think that I am still in that detox stage. All those years of bad habits have built up in me and now they are slowly working their way out.
I have noticed as I get closer to 40 that there are more lumps and bumps where I didn't have them before.(like back boobs) I have more aches and pains than I did 10 years ago and I am less likely to work through the pain than I was even just a few years ago. I really need the yoga now rather than doing it to feel better. The fact that it has been damp and rainy all week hasn't helped. Severe arthritis runs in my family and I want to break the curse. I don't want to be crippled by the time I'm 60. So basically I have to put the time in now.
Speaking of which, on our on demand system from cable, there is a whole exercise tv thing that I am going to check out. Maybe something will spark an interest and I can try something new.
So today, I am going to leave my boys at home for a few hours and spend some time with me. Get my eyebrows waxed. Get my hair cut. Go to the mall, shop for the little man and me. Return library books. Go grocery shopping. Come home, make dinner (burgers and fries with brownies for dessert) and make apple cinnamon mini mufffins and banana bread for church tomorrow. Give the little man a bath, relax and enjoy my family. Its going to be a great day, despite the clouds and gray skies.