Under Pressure

Today is the Race Against Breast Cancer. I am a little nervous, because I will actually be running...even though I knew that when I signed up and started training. I am nervous because I don't know if my family will be there at teh finish line. I don't know how well I do, but just signing up was a start.
After I get home, I will need a nap I think. I also have a house to clean, because right now its rather a mess. Lots of toys everywhere. For some reason, my kitchen becomes a mess on a regular basis and it frustrates me beyond belief. I know that if I kept up with things a little better, I wouldn't be so stressed out. But I don't regularly, usually because there is a bit of disconnect in my life. I do all that I can to not be exhausted by the time the little man goes to bed lately. I know that the more hydrated I am, the more I exercise and the better I eat the more energy I have. The more I clear the clutter from my mind, the more energy I have. But there is an underlying rebellious current that keeps me from this.
I start the day with the best intentions. I get up, I have my coffee, I do my yoga daily dozen as the computer boots up and then I write. I intend on writing for a set amount of time, then going downstairs to work out (treadmill, MWF bowflex, TTHS pilates). All this time, doing laundry so its always caught up. Go upstairs, take my shower, swish & swipe the bathrooms, make beds. Eat breakfast before leaving the house, make the little man breakfast. Do my daily cleaning (running around with the feather duster, clearing hot spots, swiffering the floors, putting laundry away, cleaning the kitchen). Get dressed with the hair and all done. Get out of the house without tears or screaming.
Get through my workday, remembering to take the time to walk on my breaks, eat healthy snacks, stay hydrated. Eat a healthy lunch. on my lunch, scrap for 15 minutes. When I come home from work, do yoga stretches. Maybe use my massage cushion because I need to destress. Im not physically tired (well somedays I am) I'm all tight and really unable to move. When I lay down, its stretching out my back and then i feel my entire spine cracking and realigning itself. Its my upper back that really bothers me. I joke, saying that its the weight of the world on my shoulders, but that's what it feels like sometimes. Its a pressure on them, and it really does make me cranky and miserable.
In my perfect world, I would be able to whip up some sort of gourmet dinner, in my immaculately clean kitchen. I'd be the total Donna Reed/Martha Stewart package...but I'm not. I really want to do all of that, but most nights by the time dinner is done, I'm looking at the couch, wanting to plop my butt down.
Its a disconnect between brain, heart and body. Not quite sure why its going on, but it is and I am very frustrated by it. In my head, and heart, there is more going on and more energy. The body, not so willing and able. In rebellion. No excuses for it either. I need to put it all aside and find that balance. I also need to stop whining. I need to mail the mothers day gift to my mother in law, that's sitting in the craft room. I need to mail the birthday gift to my neice, also sitting in the craft room. I need to get the stuff for sunday school tomorrow. I need to clean out the trunk of my car. I need to do a lot of things to clear out the mental clutter I have going on. I need cuddle time with my boys. I need to go get ready for my 5k and make sure that I'm ready to run.
I sense another blog post today...