Spoken for

Watch "Spoken For - Mercy Me" on YouTube
It's Easter Monday. All the hoopla is over. I ate too much, and exercised too little. I didn't get enough sleep alll weekend, and my stress level was on 12.
Now, its all done.
I have the day off, along with my son. I've got nothing planned today, which is beautiful. Other than the general tidying up that goes on in my world.
I intend to: go on the elliptical; tidy up; do yoga; do my sad weight routine; try not to pig out.
Sometimes, as I lay awake, I have these epiphanies. Last night I had one. I reach a certain point in my life where things are really coming together for me, and I basically freak out.
I feel almost as if I don't deserve to be happy & healthy. It's like I don't deserve anything I've worked hard to achieve. I feel as if I'm not as good as anyone else.
Ok, that's pretty pathetic.
I'm pretty and I have a great figure. I am curvy, which some women will kill for (or at least spend a lot of money to achieve). It's like I'm denying all of this by continuing to a. Not workout b. Eat crap c. Beat myself up.
So...here I am, stuck.
I whine about how I look, how I feel, etc. Theres no shortage of all that, but there is a shortage of me doing something about it.
Im in my 40's now, and I can either leave things status quo or do something. My son really wants me to do something. I am pretty sure my husband just wants me to make a decision & be quiet. I want to do something. I know I'm capable.
I am really tired of all these plans & never following through.
I think my friend dying might be spurring this on, but its something thats been on my heart & mind for a long time.
So, I need to get up off the couch & get going. This new way of thinking is spoken for.