Bells Will Be Ringing

My son is 11 and as he has gotten older, he has had better control over some autistic behaviors. A lot of that goes out the window during the holiday season. There are a lot of triggers for meltdowns for non-autistic folks-its even worse for those on the spectrum. When the Little Man was younger, many “fun” activities left us in tears and disappointed. As I learned to read his reactions and expressions, I realized that some supposedly happy things were actually causing my son extreme pain and distress.

 

Not all kiddos on the spectrum are the same. I always say autistic folks are like snowflakes-no two are the same. These are generalizations and some helpful hints that I’ve picked up along the way.

 

The mall can trigger more meltdowns than any other place except for Wal-Mart. The sheer number of people, the sights, sounds and smells can all cause sensory overload. Plan to go at less peak times (early in the morning or later in the day). Avoid at all costs on the weekend, since there are so many more people there, it can cause a huge meltdown. If you have to go, plan out your trip and use a social story so your kiddo is prepared. Rewards help too-I always let the Little Man have 30 minutes of play time in the play park at the mall to get through with our trip. It was a terrific incentive for him to work on self control.

 

Holiday light displays can be breathtaking. And they can also cause huge meltdowns. My son doesn’t have seizure issues, but other kiddos do, and these beautifully choreographed displays can actually induce one. We drive around looking at the lights, with cookies and hot cocoa, but when he’s had enough, he’s had enough. Our limit is now up to about an hour, but when he was younger it was about 15 minutes.

 

Decorations can cause a lot of issues. A lot of kiddos like to touch and sometimes taste things that may not be appropriate for them. When the Little Man was younger, he used to have an issue with pica (eating non food items). He’s mostly outgrown it, but many other kiddos on the spectrum have the same issue. Pine needles, fake snow (especially the stuff you spray on the windows) and even some ornaments can be licked or eaten.

 

Holiday parties can be overwhelming for anyone, especially on the spectrum. While we don’t ignore invitations, we do limit our time at any particular event if we go as a family. This is especially important if you are going to an event where your kiddo isn’t familiar with many of the partygoers. Many kiddos on the spectrum lack stranger danger, and can do things that may be off-putting or even disturbing to folks who aren’t used to quirky behavior. A friend of mine’s son doesn’t understand the concept of personal space and gets nose to nose with people, which can be intimidating at the very least. I also bring foods that I know my kiddo will eat, because many times there just isn’t anything served that he likes.

 

Church services can be agony for a kiddo on the spectrum. In the Episcopalian tradition, there is a lot of incense and candles on Christmas Eve. While this momma loves the ancient liturgy, for my son it was torture. I’m not an advocate for kids not paying attention or participating in church, but there are certain occasions that you may want to think of an alternative service or bring something to keep your kiddo occupied. We actually attend another church for Christmas because their service is much more sensory friendly. Don’t feel ashamed if you need to get up and leave the service either. You need to do what is best for your family.

 

The holidays can be both fun and challenging with a child with autism. Planning ahead, communicating with others and most of all, relaxing can limit meltdowns and behaviors. Always carry snacks, toys/crayons/books with you so your kiddo doesn’t get hungry (especially when there are long lines everywhere) and bored. Play games while you wait. Most of all, if a meltdown happens, its not the end of the world. Its your child’s way of communicating distress. It is what it is.