I am plus sized. I've been that way most of my life. Except when I developed disordered eating in high school & college. I practice yoga, I run, I compete in 5ks. I wear cute clothes. I'm married to a great guy & we have an amazing son. I've got a great job.
Everything about me would be considered a success for most people. I get the asterisk-my size colors everything. I get people checking out my shopping cart in the store, get surprised looks at the gym, snickers when I subbed for another yoga instructor.
It's people like that make it darn near impossible some days
My grandmother ate limited food groups & would starve herself before special occasions.
My aunt was anorexic & bulimic.
My mother is diabetic & now in kidney failure because she refused to follow a doctor recommended diet to prevent issues.
Everything was about controlling weight.
I am a special case. I am an emotional binge eater. In my teens I did purge too, but stopped when it ruined the enamel on my teeth.
I'm gluten sensitive. My doctor did all sorts of testing & I've done an elimination diet. It works. I'm lactose intolerant, so dairy has been out for me for a long time. I don't like to eat meat, personal preference. I have to stop framing this as punishment or something to rebel against. I don't have great role models for healthy eating. It's not about weight loss, it's about being healthy now & healing from the inside out. My eating is disordered because I stuff my emotions with food. I still binge eat, but I'm working on that. I need to heal those feelings, and then find new ways to manage them.
Food isn't my answer.
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