Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Tuesday Musings

Well, once again the little one has a low grade temp. Every time he goes to daycare. Ugh. And guess where he is today....
On other notes, DH is a little angry with me. I quit my job on Friday only to unquit today because I got an offer I couldn't refuse. God has blessed me so much!! But the downside is I am still working but I need to to help out financially.

I have nothing prepped for dinner tonight. I am such a slacker wife. Actually I've really got nothing done at all lately...

Tomorrow is a new day and I have a lot planned. Going to get the house tidied up and do my daily cleaning. Prep some meals. Feed the freezer. Do the rest of the laundry. Spend some time with the little one. Walk the dog. Work out. Pray.

And I am off for like 2 weeks after today. Every day I plan on tackling one room and deep cleaning it-baseboards, walls, etc. Declutter declutter declutter. Start the holiday grand plan. That helps keep my sanity. I have so much stuff to bring to the post office to mail too. Ugh. I just can't seem to keep up because I've been so scattered and disorganized lately. Mainly because I've been using every thing else as an excuse.

I can't blame my laziness on my son. Or my husband. Or my job. Or anything else. Its all me. I think I've been trying to do it all and not really succeeding at anything. I am trying to be everything to everyone. Sigh. If it only were that easy....

Tomorrow, depending on the weather I think we are going to have a picnic in the park. Me and my little man. Thursday, some sort of crockpot creation. Actually I am just winging it. I don't have a fricking clue what I am doing and I am actually kind of tired pretendng that I do....its exhausting thinking that I am in control of my life, when I am really not. This week I am going to make a worry box because I have a lot of tension and anxiety in my life. I can't seem to let go of things. I know that I am very, very angry and nothing I seem to do ends the bitterness. I feel that I can't do anything right and that I have checked out emotionally on a lot of things. I know that my lack of eating right and not consistently exercising has not helped my cause. Add to it just a general resentment towards life....bad combination.

SO....where do I go from here?

I guess I have to start planning better. I bought a little notebook to keep track of things in, because I am losing my mind. But the system only works when I use it. And I seem to struggle with just getting through the day. Every day it seems. But I have to. I have to make it through the day, every day. I am feeling a little more refreshed today, but its mainly because I have major caffeine buzz going.

I also seem to have a lot of chronic pain like in my back and fingers. Is it arthritis? Who knows...it can also be low grade depression. I don't know anymore. All I know is I've got to keep on keeping on.

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