in training

I rethought my running plans for this morning. Instead I took the puppy dog out for a run with me. It was cool and breezy, so I didn't worry about him getting overheated. I did wear him out though. I cut time off my pace too. Not that long ago I was doing a 15 minute mile, now I am down to 13 minutes. Sweet!!
Little Missy B is in her room, supposedly taking a nap. Big Man is in our room, definately taking one and the Little Man is playing legos in his roo. Its been a nice (somewhat quiet) day at home. Despite beautiful weather, neither kid is motivated to play outside, and I am quite content on the couch, writing and watching the Yankees game. the Mets, by some sort of miracle actually won today. Is that a sign of the Apocalypse?
Today is the calm before the storm. This week is going to be insane, to say the least. Tomorrow, Little Man has an opthalmologist appointment. Tuesday is soccer. Wednesday he is having dental surgery (say a few prayers) and then Thursday is back to school.
He is going to be a big first grader. I am so excited for him. Its going to be a great year. His teacher seems very enthusiastic, fun and that right combination of sweet and stern. I can't wait to walk him in and send him off to a brand new year. Our theme for this school year is "fear not". I have to make a sign for it, and his first day of the year crown. We will have a special dinner (his favorite, pasta & garlic bread) on the good china and toast to a new school year. For his teachers, I am making apple cinnamon muffins as a start to the new year. He will be really without an aide-flying solo.
I am so proud of how far he's come in the past few years. I am so proud to be his mommy, and I hope he realizes how special he truly is to me. I have to admit that I am having a hard time sharing him with someone else, and its really tearing my heart in two.
I think what makes it hard is I don't know for how long Missy B is going to be part of our lives. I struggle with it, because I want to do my best but it is hard to know that whatever I teach her could really be undone if she is sent back to her parents. It is a quandry-I know that I a not the first foster parent to deal with this, but I don't know if I will be able in good conscience send her back to a bad situation.
But ultimately, that is up to my heavenly Father to decide, not me.
I know that until then I just have to do my best.
That is something that I have tried to do my whole life-be my best. I fall short a lot of times but I do have to pick myself up, dust myself off and try again. I hope that I am setting a good example for my family, but there are days when I feel like an utter failure. I know that I am not, but thats the guilt laiden side of me. I can only do my best and keep at it, no matter what.