Up the Junction

continuing with advising others of some really great Squeeze songs from the early 80's. I had forgotten how much I really loved this band when I was a teenager until I realized that I had a bunch of song on my itunes & uploaded them to my ipod.
Tomorrow I am going to spend the entire day scrapbooking. Its the National Scrapbook Crop at R Scrapbook store here in town. I ordered pictures from Walgreens, and have to put together my page kits tonight so I will be prepared tomorrow. I have a feeling the big man isn't too thrilled about this at all, but oh well. Its a birthday present from my mom, who has never really scrapped before, so this should be um, interesting.
Next Saturday is the Race Against Breast Cancer (the one my husband told me to not have a heart attack running). All I want is for my family to be there at the finish line cheering me on. That and not make a complete fool of myself running. Softball season starts soon too, which I am excited about. I just don't see my family being there to cheer me on though. Its that whole big man needs to go to bed early thing.
Lately I feel like I am living in a parallel universe. My son has taken to lewd crude sounds as a means to communicate and its driving me insane. Its so bad, that I really don't like hanging with him right now because of the constant burping. I know its a phase, but I am not enjoying it. To me its disgusting, and gross and it really rankles me. And to that end, the boys continue to do it and keep stepping it up because its lets p**ss off mommy time!
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but I am just so tired of this gross behavior. So maybe having a day away from them might be a great relief to us all. I get to do something I completely love, and they can have fun together.
I've been reading about that runaway mom from Ohio on the web the last few days. Apparently she didn't think she would be missed and wanted a new life. I get where she's coming from, and I know that the thought of joining the circus (or whatever) crosses most peoples minds at least once or twice. I appreciate that she's probably tired and overwhelmed, because lets face it, being a parent is hard. There are days when you are physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I'm sure that there are issues in her marriage (obviously if she ran away with another man), because your relationship does change when you become parents. There is a different dynamic in your world. I know for me, its hard to turn off mommy mode. I probably talk to the big man like he's a little kid. I know that the last 20 or so conversations we've had either were about the little dude, me not doing x the right way, asking if he was going to mow the lawn, if it was going to rain, what's for dinner, and if there was a game on tonight. Not exactly scintallating romantic talk here! Our nights consist of us watching the little man play, taking care of baths, homework etc, cleaning up the kitchen, the big man playing his games on the computer and him watching movies that annoy me (I don't like action movies and he does. gotta be a guy thing). I'm either reading or on my blackberry on the other couch. Then we wind up collapsing into bed at night, and that's about it. All the while I am total mommy, and its probably not exactly romantic to hear your wife to remind you to pick up your socks and that the puppy dog has a grooming appointment.
But I digress. Its been an extremely long week, and I am oh so glad its Friday. I've eaten junk all week, and I feel it. My whole body has ached for the last few days and I really need to do a detox to purge all this out of me. I can actually feel it when I eat crap now-and when you do several days in a row, it just makes it worse. I guess its a sign of getting older now-I can't binge like I used to. And oh boy has this been a binge. I can't even say that I've done anything healthy all week to counter all the other junk I've eaten.
So, I guess I need to regroup. Clear my head. Work on this disconnect that I am feeling in my life. Its just odd, that I have had all this success lately, but feel so low because it doesn't feel like anyone is celebrating with me. Its me, myself and I on top of the world. I have worked so hard to do all of this, but I am at a point right now that it seems like no one has showed up for the party. I am pretty sure that I am wrong about this, but there's a little bit of me that thinks that I'm not. Its just this defeatest, negative vibe that seems to be going around again, and its pretty darn annoying. There are times when I walk in the door after work and its like being hit by a wall of blah.
I guess I am not feeling the happiness and joy in my home right now. I know I am tired, mainly because I have not been taking care of me (eating junk, not really exercising, not getting enough sleep)and that is just wrecking havoc with my world. The house is a freaking disaster because I honestly have not felt like cleaning all week. I just didn't want to-I'll admit it. The problem is now I am going to have to scramble to get the house clean and tidy and all, and its going to be worse because I haven't done anything. I have a ton of laundry to do, and apparently the thought i had to take care of the laundry on the floor downstairs wasn't good enough (a sweatshirt that runs every time I wash it, it was washed basically by itself which I got an earful over). Toys are every where, and its just this bad vibe in my house. I desperately need a hair cut, my eyebrows need plucking, I need to start using the self tanner because my legs could blind someone with how white they are. My nails need a good manicure, and I would love love love to relax with my neck and back massager thingies to get rid of some of the chronic pain I've been feeling in my back.
So, I just vented and it felt a little better. I feel like I am setting myself up for failure, and its not pretty. I feel like I am telling myself that I can't do it all and balance things. Its like I am looking for an excuse to not do whatever. But the bottom line is I have worked very, very hard for all the success that I have garnered lately and I truly deserve it. Otherwise I'd be up the junction.