We Care A Lot

Its been a few days since I've posted. The lure of the bed and sleep was too strong. I've felt like I've gone so far in reverse the last two weeks, and I need to stop this backward slide. My first week at 40 has been unique to say the least.
I need to get back on track here. I'm not working out or eating healthy. My house is a mess. The art studio looks like something off of hoarders. I don't even know where to start!!
One of the things that keeps running through my head is compassion fatigue. Its very real-people who are in the caring professions and moms. I have a little bit of both. Add to it the fact that I've been a dedicated volunteer for most of my life and its a strange brew. My volunteer life started back when I was about 14 and I heard Do They Know its Christmas and it raised my consciousness. Something in me clicked and it made me want to help people. I wanted to save the world, and on some levels I still do. At one point in my life, I wanted to join the Peace Corps or be a missionary. (little known facts about me)Its carried on through my adult life, and on some levels its exhausting.
I do have a case of compassion fatigue brewing. I can only take so much and then I hit the wall. And boy did slamming into an inanimate object hurt.
Monday driving to camp, little man made a comment about how great it was this weekend spending time together. He also reminded me how busy I am all the time and how little time we spend together. Talk about a wake up call! I realized that I am substituting doing good for the world for doing good for my family. My little guy is only going to be 7 once, and its hard for me to think about how I've blown it lately. I am so afraid that I am going to do something to irreprably harm him psychologically!
I've lost the framework in my life lately and I need to restore it for my sanity.
In the mornings, I need to do my yoga and work out. That sets the tone for my day. I need to do my morning routine to keep the house humming along (its swishing & swiping my bathrooms, making beds, emptying the dishwasher, tidying up the kitchen, swiffering the floors and running around with the feather duster). I've noticed when I do that, things just fall into place and the house stays clean. After dinner I need to do things to keep up the whole cleaning thing. I know when I do my daily room cleaning thing, life is good. The house stays clean, its less stress for me and the rest of the family. And I don't spend an entire weekend cleaning. I am so tired of that, and this is what I am looking forward to this weekend. Its exhausting just thinking about it (and depressing too). Having a plan for meals helps too, and that hasn't been happening. I just feel like I'm treading water again, or worse, swimming upstream.
So, it leaves me here on a Friday to get my life back together. I've had some convictions lately. I overheard a coworker talking to her husband on the phone the other day, and it hit me like a ton of bricks-that's how I talk to my husband. It wasn't very pleasant for that realization. I have not exactly been loving and caring all the time. Actually, I've been rather like a witch with a capital b. So, I have to remember that we're in this together and work together. I don't want to be like this gal who completely dressed down her husband and talked to him like he was 4 years old. I don't want my husband to have to listen to that!
I used to think that it was because I cared that I was as the little man says "bossy". Its not, there are other issues going on. I can't be everything to everyone, and I can't save the world. However, I can be a great wife and mother and I can save my family.