Time is on (my) Side

I can totally relate to the March Hare in Alice in Wonderland. "I'm late! I'm late! I'm late for a very important date!" I feel that I am constantly running late for everything and I am trying to break myself of the habit. I am trying to motivate myself-and my family-to lead our best lives, and I feel like there is much resistance to it all. My son, who has so many wonderful qualities-lacks the understanding of time. I feel like every morning I am nagging-and by the time we are ready to leave, screaming-at him to get motivated and get dressed and get out of the house.
Some days are better than others. I will admit that, but there are days that by the time I get to work, I am so exhausted by the stress of leaving the house. I am so tired by the battles and all, and its not good for us. Its starting to drive a wedge into our relationship, and there is a bit of resentment being built up.
Its time to nip it in the bud.
I have the tools and the know-how to make it all better. Its just like Nike says, do it.
Basically, its time to start over from scratch.
I created a job jar (just need to finish it up today). I listed out all the tasks that need to be done-daily, weekly, monthly. I need to cut them out and glue them to popsicle sticks. I created a token system to reward the little man for helping out. Its just a matter of implementing things and sticking to the program.
I think part of the problem is a lack of motivation on all of our parts. The big man is chronically tired, and with his work schedule and outdoor duties, I can't expect him to do it all. Yet, that's what I've been asking.
So, I need to take a step back and re-assess my life. They say life begins at 40, so here it goes.
I like to bake. In fact, I love to bake. Do I do it very often? NO!!! Instead, I look at the baking supplies in the pantry, and bemoan its very existence. All I need to do is...do it. The little man loves fresh baked cookies, but I deny him of them because I am...tired.
I like to do crafts. The little man likes to do them with me. Yet I have a chronic mess going on in the craft room, and it stops us from doing things we love. Why? Because I don't have a sensible storage plan. And because I am...tired.
I like having a clean house. There are toys everywhere. I would love to clean it up every night with the little man. But I don't because...I am tired.
I want to walk the puppy dog after dinner. But I don't because...I am tired.
There is a common denominator here. I am tired.
The common denominator is that I am tired. But am I really?
Part of it is that I don't really do the things that I need to do everyday to keep myself fueled properly. Its just like your car, if you don't take care of it, its not going to run right. Same with me. I need NEED to do my yoga daily dozen to keep the back pain at bay. I need to hit the treadmill every day because it makes me feel good. The whole runner's high thing is so very true. And the whole doing the bowflex and pilates helps me feel better over all. Then there is the whole issue of feeding myself good foods. When I eat better, I feel better. When I drink my water, I feel better. For some reason, I am less achy and have more-dare I say it?-energy. Then the whole issue of doing my daily chores, every day, to keep things humming along.
I am a compulsive planner. My husband is not. He likes to fly by the seat of his pants, and it drives me crazy. Just like my planning drives him crazy. Over the last 18 or so years, we've worked at finding a happy medium but there is still room for improvement.
I know what I need to do to make my life better, but there is that nasty problem of a mental block. I guess there is some sort of feeling of being a martyr. Look at all I have to do! Look how much things suck for me!! Its almost like a badge of (dis)honor. Its a mental one upmanship...I do all sorts of stuff to self-sabotage. Its like mentally I try to see how much I can get away with not doing rather than doing things to enhance my life.
The chronic busyness I have lived with for years-decades-hid all of this. I didn't have to face things head on because I was so "busy". But taking a step back and re-assessing my life, I have had to confront a lot of issues that I had been submerging. There is a severe lack of self worth. I've been told by some very important people in my life that I am too hard on myself. Its true, I am. I have always had very high expectations for myself, and when I don't live up to them or see immediate results, I beat myself up.
But is that really living my best life?
No, not really.
Is it good for my family?
No, not really.
How do I change it?
With a lot of determination and even more prayer.
Today, I need to get the house tidied up. I know what needs to be done, and I just need to do it without whining all the time. I need to make myself a top priority. I look at pictures from just a few years ago, and I look so much older (not just a couple of years, but a tired look about me)and that is a direct correlation to me stopping self care.
So, its back to basics time. Basically, I just need to reassess what I need to do. What are my day to day goals? Overall, lead a happy life. Have peace with myself. Help my son grow up happy, healthy and well adjusted. Have a loving relationship with my husband. That's all.
So, today in order to achieve these goals I need to: tidy up the house, cook a great dinner, and have fun with my family. Little man mentioned wanting to go to the pool today, if the weather holds.
I think that's a good time by all...