Chasing Pavements

I am feeling a bit scattershod this morning. Its Wednesday, my least favorite day of the week.
I am out of coffee and garbage bags.
I have a youth group BBQ to go to this evening.
I am tired. I slept through my alarm yesterday morning, and I was paranoid about doing the same this morning. So I woke up at 4 AM and laid there, half asleep until the alarm went off, and I kept hitting the snooze button. I still didn't get up until a half an hour after I "should" have. So, that limits my workout time, due to the fact that my sleep time and my writing time crept in and won out.
I have no real reason to feel cranky. But today I do, it might be the heat or the storms that rocked us yesterday. I am also feeling frustrated because I haven't worked out all month really. I ate crap yesterday too. And I am feeling it today. I was talking with a friend of mine who is training for a triathalon, and I mentioned that I am jealous of her dedication. She told me that it was hard when she first started, because she had never done anything like that before-not even in high school. It took her two years to build up the endurance for all three components.
So, right now I am thinking that I need to build up endurance to do one thing-the treadmill, and maybe the elliptical-and the dedication to my body and my health. I am frustrated because mentally I really, really, REALLY want this. However, there is still that block keeping me from getting off my butt and doing some stuff that will make me healthy and toned up. The only thing that I can come up with is the fact that I am almost afraid of being my best.
Odd concept huh? For someone who goes on and on and on about being her best, and wanting that blah blah blah, I guess there's a scared little girl underneath who is afraid of being a rock star mommy. I don't know why or what is the fear-other than being my best. People obviously see my potential-I wouldn't be who or what I am otherwise. Its just the fact that I can't seem to punch down these barriers to get to the next level.
I can come up with lists, and strategies and all that, but until I can actually make it happen, nothing is going to change. It does frustrate me, because I know I can do it all, but I just can't seem to take that first step.
However, every day is a new opportunity to be my best. The little man even knows that, so I have to keep it in mind as I try to be super woman today. I need to get on the treadmill, do a little weights thing, swap out laundry, tidy up the house, get dressed and go to work. I need to do it all with a smile, and do it well. Otherwise, to quote Adele, I'll just keep on chasing pavements.