I have had to shake a bunch of bad vibes off of me this past week. It isn't easy, but I've been making a concerted effort to do it. It can be very frustrating, because I would love to snap my fingers and have a clean house, be a size 10 or 12, have a fridge and freezer stocked with delicious meals and a surplus in my bank account. Hey, a girl can dream, can't I?
Its Friday, and I am looking forward to the weekend. I don't know what it holds, but I do have high hopes of getting a lot done. I want to finally get rid of the stuff that I am donating. I want to get rid of the clutter that seems to surround me. I never used to be like this, and it just seems that I can't get any control over anything. Well, I do know how I can-I can't plop my butt on the couch after dinner.
Some of that goes to the low energy level. I come home, eat dinner, and then I am basically down for the count. Its very frustrating because I know I can do MORE and I am not. I am not getting much of anything done, to be perfectly honest. I am not the only working mother, who has a husband who works off shifts, and all my "issues". Basically, I have a lot of excuses that don't hold water.
And I am tired of making excuses. I am tired of all this junk clouding my life. I am tired of not living up to my full potential. Its not fair to my husband, and its certainly not fair to my son. He needs me to be my best. I have all these ideas in my mind-baking cookies, doing crafts together, etc. and its all mental. Implementing them just never seems to happen. Its like when I am about to do it, there is an invisible road block. Its like I walk into a wall and it stops me. I try, and try and then give up.
Its just all this negativity that is still an undercurrent in my life. Its a hard habit to break. Basically, its a lot easier to keep the status quo than to make any positive changes. Its a lot easier to sleep in than hit the treadmill and workout. Its a lot easier to eat junk food than to eat healthier. Its a lot easier to not doing anything than do something.
But that's not who I am. And it frustrates me to no end, living like this. I know that I can be the energizer bunny and do so much. I know that I am one incredibly talented chicka, but its a lot easier to just sit around and do nothing than get my life back.
So, the question is-will I be able to get on track over the next 72 hours, or will I still be whining come Monday morning? Will I be ready to accept the next challenge or will I just want to lay around and do nothing? Will I want to be my best or am I going to just go for the status quo and do the poor, poor pitiful me/martyr thing?
Time will tell, but the thought patterns are so ingrained. Its a hard habit to break.
Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity. Margaret D. Nadauld
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