(wo)Man in the Mirror

Its Friday, and it means I've survived yet another week. It has not been pretty in some regards, but by all means I am a survivor.
And I've been able to make some decisions about things going forward. I am very tired of what is going on right now in my life. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of being drained of energy all the time. Plus I am tired of the pain and misery that has been the most recent trademarks of my life. Yesterday I realized that I can't eat like I did when I was in my 20's anymore. I also realized that I need to take better care of myself overall, because the things I've been doing are so not working. I am also up to my eyeballs in frustration over a lot of things in my life right now, nothing bad but the its like being stabbed by sporks-annoying, yes. Painful, no. I am tired of excuses of why my house looks like it does, why I look the way I do and behave the way I do. I need to stop using everyone else as an excuse and look at the (wo)man in the mirror-to quote Michael Jackson, its time to make a change.
I am so tired of sacking out on the sofa and doing nothing all night. Its pure misery for me, mainly because I feel worse that I didn't do anything. Add to it, the to do list continues to pile up and never go away and somebody has to do it. I expand a lot of energy to not do housework, but the toilets need to be scrubbed and the floors need to be mopped regardless of me being "tired".
Basically, its mental exhaustion more than physical exhaustion. Its a poor state of mind that I am in right now, and its got to change. But the pain is very, very real. I broke down and bought Bio-Freeze yesterday, because I could not take the pain in my back anymore. Within hours, I was able to crack my neck and pop the thoracic veterbrae on my own and felt great. Imagine if I could get it rubbed into the space between my shoulder blades? I'd be golden.
My self sabotage hit an all time high yesterday, and I am tired of it. I am tired of eating junk and crap, because garbage in=garbage out. I don't want my skin to look completely dull anymore. I don't want to look like I'm 50 anymore instead of 40. Basically I am not doing myself any favors with my lifestyle choices. Fast food is not my friend, and neither is soda. Not exercising is not doing me any favors either, nor is not taking care of my house.
In my defense, I do feel like I've got folks in my life that are throwing up roadblocks at every turn. The Enemy is really not wanting me to succeed. However, instead of laying down at the site of these roadblocks, I am going to move forward and keep on keeping on. It might mean a lot more work for me around the house, but I need to pick up every night. I need others to pitch in, because they are part of the tornado that whirls through every day. My living room floor is covered in toys, and there is laundry (?) that seems to migrate out here on a daily basis. I am tired of putting stuff back where it belongs because no one seems capable. The toothpaste tube does not go on the floor, nor do the trail of clothes that somehow seem to miss the hamper regularly.
Yeah, I do sound a little bitter today, but after the week I've had, I feel I've earned the bitterness. Its ok for me to be this frustrated and angry because it in the long run, will fuel me to make my life better. It might not be today but its the first step in a long journey. Starts with looking in the mirror, and making those changes.