Monday, August 23, 2010

Back to Life

lWell, vacation is almost over. I go back to work at noon today. Its been wonderful being home with my boys, and spending time with them. Its been great getting my home in order and being able to cook some really great meals. I've just missed having the time and energy to do things.
I did a lot of thinking about why I am so tired all the time. I most certainly wasn't last week, and I think had a lot to do with the fact that I got enough rest.
I don't mean sleep either. I am talking rest. I am talking just doing nothing but recharging my batteries and enjoying myself and my family. I really missed hanging out with them, and I really missed doing things with them. I missed doing things I enjoy, like reading, and believe it or not, keeping house.
The fact that I got the house tidied up and got rid of the nasty ironing pile. I deep cleaned my bathrooms, which made me smile. I cleaned my ceiling fans, dusted and polished them. I did a lot to get my house back up and running. No sour faces, no storming around and no poor mes going on. I know the martyr comes out once in a while, but that doesn't make for me to be a happy person-nor does it make for a happy family. Someone has to do the cleaning, cooking and grocery shopping. I can put my organizational skills to work, or I can just let things slide. I do a pretty good job at it too-putting things to work I mean. The problem is I get caught up in all this drama, that "I am the ONLY person who does x in my house!!!" and the whole "I NEVER get to do anything fun becaus I am always cleaning" and, my favorite, "No one EVER helps me out around here". Of course, all of that is in my head, and completely untrue. The main reason is I was keeping score mentally.
That is not a healthy way to live. I don't particularly care for that attitude, especially since it creates division within the family. The Big Man is my equal partner, and we each have our own strengths and weaknesses. Luckily, we're both pretty darn good at taking care of the Little Man and our home. Some people I know do nothing but complain about their significant other. They rip into them, complain about them and do nothing to change the situation. They make up excuses about why their house is trashed all the time, their kids have issues, that they look the way they do: lots and lots of denial.
I was in their camp for a long time-that I was reactive rather than proactive. I was overweight because its so hard and expensive to eat healthy and I had no time to exercise. My house was a mess because I worked full time and had no time to clean and no energy, blah blah blah. Basically, I wasted time and energy looking for excuses to not do anything, rather than just getting the task over and done with. It takes more to not do something than to just do it.
Take for example, the ironing. I had about 6 dress shirts of mine to iron. I had them piled up probably for about 6 weeks, hanging on top of my closet. I would see them several times a day, and I would get this little pit in my stomach and feel rather icky about it. It would make me feel horrible, actually and I would make up excuses not to do it. The other day, I had enough and I did it. It took me a grand total of 15 minutes. That's all. And voila! I had nice, crisp shirts.
When I realized how little time it took, I was able to release all the psychic energy tied into that. I had spent all this time avoiding something, and spent all this energy in the process. It took 15 minutes, and the weight of the world off my shoulders. Its all about putting one foot in front of the other and plodding along. Things don't change overnight, but I can make steady progress toward my goals: peace/serenity,
joy and happiness.

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