Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Weak In the Presence of Beauty

\My idea of beauty routines would make most cosmetic counter folks' or magazine editor heads' spin. I am not into detailed, step by step doings (anymore-I used to use an array of potions back in the day, when I had the time and disposable income). I used to spend a lot of time on hair, make up and all that.
Maybe its getting older and getting into a groove with things. Maybe its the fact I am comfortable in my own skin. Maybe its the fact that I know that my husband loves me whether I have just rolled out of bed, or am in sweats or all dolled up. My son thinks that I look prettier than most movie stars or supermodels, no matter what. That does a lot for a woman, because I don't have to try so hard to impress.
I am not a big make-up person. I don't really wear a lot on a regular basis. Mostly a little blush, some neutral toned eye shadow and lip gloss. That's it. If I want to make more of an impact, I add eye liner and mascara. I wear glasses, so those make my eyes pop more. I also have found a hair style that works for me with minimal time involved. I also love having my finger and toe nails painted, it makes me feel so pretty.
At one point in time, I went through my martyr complex and denied myself feeling pretty. I didn't buy the products I liked, and worked well for my skin because they were "too expensive". I didn't do my hair and make up, because I "didn't have the time". It took "too long" to do my nails regularly, because once again I "didn't have the time".
I know why I want down this path and what lead me there. I truly saw my self esteem plummet over the course of a few years for a variety of factors. I had to stop and think about the damage being done to myself, and my family. It took several months to crawl out of the pit, but I did. To quote Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". I was not living up to that adage.
I was letting others dictate how I felt about myself, my life and what I was doing with my life, health, body and family. It didn't happen overnight, but when it did, it made me miserable. And that misery expanded to other parts of my life. About the only thing I was able to manage was working & excelling there.
I remember waking up one morning during the holidays last year and I felt really miserable. I mean, just mad at the world and feeling sorry for myself. I looked in the mirror when I was washing up and realized I didn't recognize myself. I realized that I had just basically given up on things, and that was not a great way to live. I had gained a lot of weight, wasn't exercising, my house was a disaster, we were eating a lot of take out, and I was hating life.
I realized that that all I had to do was take care of myself.
It wasn't too hard.
First up, I got my hair cut into an easier to do style. Instead of having to flat iron and blow out and all that every morning, all I have to do is blow out my hair, which only takes about 10 minutes from start to finish. Then I just started doing things to make myself feel pretty. If it was some new make up, or the facial cleanser I really liked to the clean & clear toner to just taking care of my skin from the inside out.
Finally, the biggest gift I gave to myself was getting rid of all the other junk in my life. I really sat down and thought about my life, and all that was going on in it. I thought about who I wanted to be, and what it would take to get there. I realized that I had been making myself busy just to be busy. I also had surrounded myself with people that were not building up my life, they focused on tearing things down. I'm not saying that you have to be positive and perky all the time to hang out with me, but I really don't want to hang out with people that never have something good to say about anything. The whole thing is the more negativity these people put out, the more you get sucked into that darkness. It would cling to me like fog and it infiltrated my house. My son does not need this in his life-there are enough challenges and obstacles being 7, he does not need anything additional to make his life miserable.
Its taken me literally about 8 months to make this transition.
I decided that I needed to add structure for myself. I needed to build a framework to help me prioritize and motivate. I know that I talked a
I cleaned out most of the physical clutter from my life. I made the decision to get rid of the bad health habits, that were not helping myself or my family. It took a leap of faith to change my life around completely. I am still a work in progress but I am getting there. I've been making better choices all around.

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