Flood

Its been raining for days, we've had massive flooding all over town, and there's more in the forecast. Its Tuesday, and Vacation Bible School starts tonight. I am already tired, stressed and frustrated by everything right now. I admit, I am an angry mommy and I really don't like it. I don't like the type of person I am becoming, and its truly making me miserable overall. I didn't want to be this type of person, but here I am. And I am sure its contributing to poor behaviors and choices that we are all making.
I think what I am in need of is a mommy makeover.
I am not talking about a spa day or new make up or anything like that. I am talking about a makeover of my inner core, my total being.
It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. Its just going to take time. I have been purging so much out of my life over the last few months, and I while the actual clutter has been disappearing, some other things remain. I am not the person that I want to be, and feel that I was meant to be. I am not happy over how I act-and react-to everything and everyone. I know in my heart of hearts I was meant to be a great wife and mother, but reality speaks otherwise.
Little things are really starting to irritate me, and they shouldn't. I don't want to take away the wonder of childhood for my son, and that seems to exactly what I am doing. I don't want to lose that loving feeling towards my family, but I am starting to feel that way. I am frustrated, yet I don't know what is causing it-other than the fact that I feel I can't keep up with juggling as much as I am. I am frustrated that I can't seem to ever get ahead. No matter what I do, its like I am behind the 8 ball all the time.
Most of that is of my own making. I can be my own worst enemy. Its like I have a knack to set myself up for failure, and that's the march I currently am undertaking. Basically, I am not following my own advice, and it shows. In order to get my sanity back, and stop feeling the way that I do, I need to get this mommy makeover going.

1. eat healthy. its not about losing weight or anything along those lines-although its an added bonus. its about being healthy overall. The better I eat, the more energy I have. The better I am to get through the day. And most of all, the more finely tuned my incredible machine is, the better off I am overall. If my blood sugar and cholesterol and hormone levels are off, I am not going to be functioning at 100%-probably not even 50%.
2. move more. once again, its not about losing weight, its about making my body work better and more efficiently. I hate not being able to keep up with my son, and its making me angry on top of everything else.
3. get more productive rest. I don't sleep well, and there are a variety of reasons why. I won't get into the litany of not sleeping, but is causing me to not reach that restorative phase, and it shows.
4. let go of things. I hold onto anger like its a prized possession, and its not healthy. There are a few things that I just need to give over to God and stop letting them bother me. I want to have a clear conscience, and its not really happening. I have a lot of resentment, and its because things don't always work out the way I'd like it to
5. lower my expectations a bit. I can't expect everyone to do exactly what I want them to, and stop let it frustrating me, because that's one of my issues. I have certain ideas or whatever, and its a key reason that I feel frustrated and angry a lot of the time.

If it doesn't bring me joy, peace or serenity, there isn't room for it in my life. Its hard to get my head wrapped around it, because its a new thought pattern, and it takes a while to erase the old one. I am tired of putting out negativity into the world, because it comes back to me even bigger, like a boomerang.