Thursday, October 28, 2010

Fat Bottom Girls

Its Thursday, and I am looking at the back-end of another week. I woke up tired, with a headache, again. I'll be interested in what the next sleep study in a few weeks holds. Will there be a difference with a mask? Will it help me to not wake up tired? No more morning headaches?

Had the Little Man's class party yesterday. The kids had a great time, although we didn't do much. We made a craft, they played a bunch of games, and ate cupcakes. It was myself, another mom and the teacher. I was so frustrated and angry that our class mom backed out the way she did. Its not fair to the kids. Period. I'm sorry but the whole thing is to make life better for the kiddos and make the teacher's life easier.

Tonight are parent teacher conferences. I'm not too worried, because I know that the Little Man is doing fine. I also need to find a dress for tomorrow night. I get to go see Lance Armstrong, which is a little exciting I must admit. Its a cocktail type party, and I do have a LBD, but I am not overly thrilled with it. I wear it to work once a week, and its one that I bought about 10 years ago at Lord & Taylor. I've gotten more than 10 years of wear out of it.

I am reluctant to buy anything because soon Humpy will be going away and I will be a different size. I really want to see how my body emerges after Humpy is gone. Personally, I think I will be back to being curvy but good. At least, that's how I see myself.

For nearly 10 years, I've felt like I've been wearing a fat suit and conducting a social experiment. I am wondering what reactions to me will be after it comes off, and I am visibly different. Just the fact that I won't have this huge lump sticking out from my lower abdomen. Big Man keeps telling me to not get my hopes up too much, but he doesn't know what I am feeling. Anything is better than how I look right now.
There was a blog post at Marie about the show Mike & Molly (I don't watch it, all I know is there seems to be a lot of controversy about this show)and about overweight people. Apparently, she is disgusted by them. Grossed out. Finds it disgusting when they are in the same room as her.

There has been an outcry against this blogger for what she wrote. While I may not agree with her position, I will defend her right to say it as a freedom of speech. Its not about whether or not you agree with the statement, its her right to say it.

I've been on both sides of the issue. I've been skinny, and I've been fat. Both have their own issues that go along with it. Being skinny does have its own special set of pressures. You need to watch what you eat, you need to exercise. At the other end of the spectrum, you have others watching what you eat and how much (or little) you exercise.

I do know someone who is quite morbidly obese. She is a very nice girl, and probably could be very pretty if she took the time to take care of herself. But she has this victim mentality and it drives me bonkers. Its like she feels that it is everyone else's fault that she is heavy. As she's downing a bag of chips, and complaining that her doctor is telling her she needs to lose weight. But she can't because she has stuff in the house for her kids and husband. She can't because she needs her soda toget through the day. She doesn't exercise because she doesn't have the time.
I can relate to a lot of those things, but the difference with me is that I try. Very hard. But I lack the willpower to get through the day without my salt and sugar fixes. And I tend to set myself up for failure too by not buying stuff that meets those requirements and is better for me.
What I do that is right is I work out. And most of all, I take care of myself. Something as simple as dressing well makes all the difference. For me, its doing my nails. I feel sexy and pretty and powerful when my nails are done. And the other big thing is when I dress well. I hold my head up higher, walk taller and prouder, knowing that I am looking my best.

But getting back to this other gal. I was talking to her the other day, and it was this barrel of excuses about her life. I had mentioned the fact that its so hard for me to do certain things because of the hernia. And she gave me this song and dance about her lack of time. I know for a fact that I lead a much busier life than she does, and it really made me think about some of my choices that I make. How do I chose my time? What do I choose to eat? What do I choose to do in terms of exercise?

Things to ponder on, things to think about.

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