Tuesday, November 16, 2010

All of the day & all of the night

I get my cpap machine thingy today. It's supposed to provide me continuous oxygen & keep.my saturation levels normal. This in turn, will allow me to sleep more restoratively as well as deeply. I won't have the morning headaches or daily exhaustion allegedly.

I am looking forward to being a better wife and mommy.

Between getting the best sleep and then having my surgery and getting a new body, I'm going for the total mommy makeover. I.just know deep.down inside that this is life changing in a good way. I'm thinking ahead to post surgery & how i.envision things to be. I can't wait to bend over & scrub a spot.on the floor or the bathtub. I am looking forward to being able to really get into.some yoga asansas without having to cheat. I can't wait to run or ride my bike without humpy being in the way. And this whole sleep thing has me rocking out. Wow. A good night sleep....couldn't tell you when I had it consistently.

For years I was.convinced lifestyle played a huge part in it. Even in my 20's I was constantly tired. People told me it was hormonal or my house wasn't clean enough or I was overworked or I was depressed or some.combination of the above. I managed by drinking lots.of. coffee during the day and collapsing in bed and or napping a lot. The worst part is over the years I've told this to various doctors. The varied responses I've had include:

1. You need to move more. It's because you are fat you are tired.

2. It's a vitamin deficiency. Let's run some labs.

3. You are probably.depressed. do you want something for that?

Basically, my endocrinologist thought that my complaints sounded like a sleep issue first & foremost. So I'm thankful that this is going to make my life better.

There are lots of things that I can do right now to make.my life better. I took a baby step in that direction on Sunday by taking the time to.go.get my haircut and my eyebrows done. I mean, its something so simple but I've been putting it off for.so long, and just feeling sorry for my self.

It's this whole martyrdom complex. I didn't think I had it until.I did.some. soul searching the other day. What makes me feel good and what is going to make me want to be my best?

It all ties into myprinciples for my life. Does it bring me joy? Does it/them make me smile? Do I enjoy them/it? Is it going to cause peace or turmoil?

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