Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Just Breathe

First night on my little breathing thing. I apparently took it off at some point between me falling asleep & the Big Man getting up.for work. Oops.

The good news is that I am headache free. And I guess I am well rested too.

It's something new & I need to get used to it.

Speaking of new things, I've been thinking towards my new life post surgery. It is going to be a new life because of how my body will.change. without my hernia, I won't look deformed.

Will I feel.more.self confident? Will I stop being so hard on myself? I do know that I will be taking better care of myself. I had this realization when I was getting my eyebrows done on Sunday that I deserve to.take care of me. It's the little things...a great playlist on my ipod, manicures & pedicures, a good book to read, a massage...years ago I compiled a happy list. Quite simply, its a list of a whole bunch of things that make me happy: from playing with my son to scrapbooking to the smell of.fresh baked.goods. I need to get back to doing one thing off my list everyday.

Why did I stop? It's the million.dollar question. Sometimes I think mentally I'm still in junior high, feeling I don't measure up. It's a bit ingrained, this less than feeling. I can superficially tell myself how great I am, but if I'm.not.feeling it, it won't matter.

I need to get beyond the whole I'm not worthy mentality. Besides, how can I expect my son to be self.confident if.I'm.not acting that way? I want him to be happy & well.adjusted, which so far so good. He's a great kid, and has a healthy ego. I don't want that to.change.

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