Thursday, December 23, 2010

Go tell it on the mountain

It's just a few days before Christmas, and I am still on my recliner. A bit of a hiccup in the healing incision is infected, so I am on antibiotics...and diflucan, because of the nasty effects of the antibiotics I was given in the hospital.


I just want to get better.

I want my life back.

Well, that's not entirely true. I want a new, improved life truth to tell.

I've had a lot of time to think about things, sitting in my recliner & watching bad tv. Its given me perspective on a lot of things.

For one, there are people in my life that honestly don't do anything to enhance my life. In fact, they cause me stress & agita. I wind up in knots after I encounter them...and in fact, not dealing with them for the last little while has made my life much more enjoyable.

So, that's a big clue that I don't need these folks in my life. It's a shame that it took major surgery to discover this.

Unfortunately, there will be times when I will need to deal with these folks, and I need to develop better coping skills for it. And its something I'm working on. It might not be tomorrow, but I will get there.

Plus there are other relationships that I value, but I am not overly happy with. A lot of that is on me. I don't always speak up and then I silently stew that such & such does or does not get done. Like people can read my mind. I've always gone out of my way and been overly accessible for my friends, and I've let people take advantage of that. I go the extra mile a little too.much sometimes, and I.get nothing in return. Well, what I've realized with the surgery is exactly who my true friends are, and on some levels, its quite painful. So, there are some friendships that will be ending or limited because of this.

Post op, my tastes have changed too. Basically I am not as interested in bad for me foods like I was eating. Unfortunately, I don't have all the healthy stuff in the house or if I do, unable to make it due to my convalescence. I like really filling breakfasts-oatmeal with soy milk and berries, and toast and grapefruit. I love my boca chicken patty sandwiches and a big salad for lunch; or just a hearty salad or Amys spinach & feta wraps. Spinach & walnut roll ups are yummy too. Tabouleh salad & soup, things like that. Dinners, I love lots of veggies and something light.

I honestly can't wait to work out again. I seriously miss it, and I.would love to do something-anything to keep me somewhat energetic. I miss my treadmill, and bowflex too. But most of all, I miss yoga.

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss cleaning too. I miss the rhythm of my morning with my routines. I also realized that I have to let go of other people's expectations. Que sera, sera. I am not cleaning my house for Martha Stewart or my grandmother. I'm doing it for my family & myself. As long as the chores are done daily, that should be all that matters.

Maybe its a bit of narcissm, but its time to put myself first. Shame it took this to realise it.

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