Wednesday, December 01, 2010

One week

Actually, its 6 days. I have 3 days of work to muddle through. Then its onto surgery...and a new body/life.

I keep thinking back to my previous surgery in 2001. The one that caused the hernia. The one that I really didn't recover.from the way I wanted to...but there was some good that came.out of it. It.convinced me that I wanted with the Big Man. He was my prince charming.

For about a year now, I haven't been allowed to kiss my son. I can hug him & give him Eskimo kisses, but not a real kiss. And especially not in front of his friends. But he has told me that when humpy goes away I can kiss him.

If that's not motivation enough....

So I just have 6 days left before I will look & feel better.6 days before my back pain goes away, before I will be able to wear clothes that fit my waist & not the hernia.6 days until this life limiting lump goes away.

I have 2 good friends who both have had bariatric surgery in the last few years. One, as she has lost the weight changed quite dramatically. Prior to the surgery, she was the typical jolly on the outside, angry on the inside fat girl. Post surgery, the happy part disappeared completely. She went from regular looking clothes to dressing borderline slutty. I understand that it was big for her to wear things she had never been in her life. My other friend is still losing the weight but I don't notice any real changes personality wise.

And it brings up my question of the day...where will I be on that continuum? Will I be so overly excited about how I look that I change? Or will I still be me, just smaller? I hope I lean more to the latter.

Actually, what I need to do is focus on being healthy. I need to develop better habits again. Healthy breakfasts. Healthy lunches. More movement. Simple math. My goal is to lower my cholesterol & triglycerides and to be able to wear a bikini. Sure its superficial, but I'm loving the whole idea of a bikini. And I know I can do it.

I am curious how my energy level changes post op. I wonder if I will be enthusiastic, or if nothing really changes. I think I will be more energetic. I think that I can only gain energy. My gut reaction is that I will be running around and bouncing off the walls post op. I know that the nagging pain that I've dealt with-the back pain, the hip pain & tightness, the balance issues due altered center of gravity. I won't have the vague abdominal pain due to the hernia. I won't have the recurrent uti's due to a fibroid sitting on my bladder. My hormones will be regulated. I won't be a bathroom due to the fibroids. I won't get exhausted from doing basic housework because of negotiating around humpy.I will be able to bend & move & all, without much effort. I.won't be wobbling anymore.

It's an exciting prospect.

I know that to be at a healthy weight for my height, I need to lose 50 pounds. Yikes! Or not. I know that I can do it, and actually it might be easy. I want to run in the race for.the cure in may. I want to.take 10 minutes off my time. In March, we have the life care screenings at work, and I am hoping that the positive changes I've made will lower cholesterol & blood sugar & knock me out of the danger zones. I want to be able to wear a bikini for the first time since my college days. I want to go back to my regular pampering sessions. I am a spa junkie. I love massages & facials & all that jazz. In a weird way I deny myself those simple pleasures because I am unhappy with my appearance...or I don't have the time...or some other lame excuse.

6 weeks to pampering myself.

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